Quick update

We had a great weekend in the bay. We stayed with BIL & SIL and got some good talking time in. Also, Jack is rather enamored of his aunt and uncle – he was reaching for them and laughing and everything. So adorable. Saturday afternoon I went to lunch with Beth and I got to look at her house decorating plans and chat with her for a few hours. It was nice but I am sad she is moving out of state! I am hoping to get up to Washington this summer, but it’s a tough year for travel with the possibility of a move on our plate. We will see.

Shailu made dinner for us (including Sabrina) on Saturday night and it was delicious! We also played Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture and Guitar Hero. I suck at both. Sheesh.

Sunday morning Shailu and I headed over to Babies R Us after a breakfast of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I hadn’t been to BRU for years. I was surprised at how big it was and how much baby stuff is there! I snagged a few items and then we browsed for a bit. I wish we had that store up in Humboldt.

Joe and I went out for Ethiopian food with Sabrina for lunch. It was awesome! Joe tried the peas and the lentils (no idea what the proper name is for those dishes) and enjoyed them both, so I am going to see if I can cook them at home. I expect they won’t be too difficult.

We left around 3 and got home at 8:30. We made great time! I slept quite a bit of the way, and Jack slept for at least half of the trip. We all have colds, so we just wanted to get home as soon as possible. Sleeping in our own bed last night was wonderful. I wish I was still there instead of at work!

Skinny Minnie

I am not sure what led me to think about being thin a few days ago while I was showering, but I suspect it has something to do with my recent conversation with my sister about PCOS. Sis is trying for a baby and she has for many years dealt with the same condition I have, secondary amenorrhea. She is currently going through health analysis to figure out what is causing it, which I never got around to doing. When I last spoke to my OB about it, she suspected I had PCOS but since I was pregnant at the time we didn’t do any tests. Well, I lost that pregnancy and then a few months later I jumped on the opportunity to try for a baby again when my menstrual cycle made it’s semi-yearly appearance. I got pretty lucky to conceive Jack right away, especially considering I had been off of birth control for about 4 years before conceiving the first time. Some day I will get around to obtaining a definitive diagnosis. I really shouldn’t put it off much longer considering that my mom has a tumor on her pituitary gland that had been growing in size for many years before someone finally took notice, something that could definitely account for my problems.

Anyway, back to being thin. One of the symptoms of PCOS is difficulty losing weight. My sister pointed out that she and I do not have this problem (which doesn’t mean much – PCOS is kind of a catch-all term and symptoms are varied). In fact, I have the opposite problem. I am a hearty eater and still tend toward thinness. Quite a few people have said I am *too* thin, need to gain weight, have bird legs – you get the idea. I have also had a number of people over the course of my life accuse me of being anorexic, which I find funny because it generally happens WHILE I am eating. Methinks they need to go back to Eating Disorders 101. My brother-in-law told me once that he hates being called skinny. His argument was that he is thin and in shape, not underweight as the term “skinny” implies. Too true.

It’s interesting how a person’s self-perception changes based upon those around them. I have often wished I was bigger than I am, partly because of all the nitpicking I have dealt with over my life, and partly because most of the people around me on a regular basis are bigger than me. I suppose I have “short man’s syndrome” for thin people. I have never felt like a small person, but I have always felt like a thin person (except while pregnant, of course). If I were to listen to the many bitter people who have told me that it will one day catch up to me, I would have to guess that I won’t always be thin.

I’m sure that another reason that I have been contemplating thinness lately is that I reached my pre-pregnancy weight at 6 months post-partum and am still losing weight. Let me tell you, I am doing nothing to encourage weight loss other than toting a 20 pound kid around and breastfeeding every 1-3 hours. So to see myself shrinking is just weird.

It’s interesting living in America today.

Like a gift

Things have certainly settled down in my neck of the woods. Jack is enjoying his new daycare and has seemed in an overall better mood because of it. Also, I’m not sure if it has anything to do with the new daycare, but he seems to be going through a bit of a “language explosion.” He is babbling at every opportunity, and his favorite “word” is dadadadeedeeda. It’s so freaking cute.

Work is a mess. I am hopelessly behind. I need a system to get caught up. I am at a loss at the moment.

Last night I went over to Jenn and Chris’s place for turkey chili and cornbread. It was sooooo good. We chatted and then watched a bit of Eddie Izzard. I had never seen EI but he is funny as hell and so incredibly British. I love the Brits.

Joe, Jack and I are going to the bay area this weekend to see before she moves, my BIL and SIL, and our friend Sabrina. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone but at the same time I’m concerned that I will get even less sleep than I am getting now. Hopefully it won’t be too hectic.

Lyra has been at it again and getting into socks. Instead of dragging our socks out, she goes for Jack’s socks now. I think she thinks she is bringing us freshly killed game or something. She’ll meow and when we look over to see what she’s up to, there is always a sock sitting there for us like a gift. Wacky cat.

Daycare, for reals

I took Jack to his new daycare today! It is basically across the street from where his old daycare was. I sat and talked with A for about 45 minutes while Jack got used to the house and people. I nursed him and then handed him over to A, with whom he seemed perfectly comfortable. He was already playing with A’s kids’ dolls, lunging toward A’s 18 month old son, and being entranced by the ceiling fan.

I just called to check in on him and he is doing great! He has even napped. YAY! This is a huge weight off my shoulders. I know it could still take some time for him to get completely comfortable (and I don’t want to speak too soon) but this seems to confirm for me the idea that his last daycare provider’s personal issues were affecting her care. Not to mention that she had quite a few kids (although the number was well within the limits of her license) and A only watches one kid other than her own two children. Not only will he get more individual attention but she is more than willing to carry him in an Ergo and take walks with him!

I’m so very excited about this new situation. I was very comfortable with A and I think our parenting philosophies are very similar. Plus, I think it’s awesome that I can tell Jack one day that his daycare provider had a sweet tattoo.

Wheeeew. Maybe now I can get caught up at work!

Solids!

Jackie got his first taste of solid food today. He was not a big fan. He grimaced and shuddered and had enough after just a couple of bites of the pureed pumpkin. The first bite made it down – not so the others. It was hilarious to watch. Here is the (poor quality) video.

Well, that answers that.

I was dragging my feet on calling the DCP because I just didn’t have the energy to go through “negotiations” about Jack’s care. I was planning to call her today but she beat me to it and left me a message this morning. She has closed the daycare; she and her husband have split up and she has left town. So! There ya go. Time to make some phone calls for tomorrow…

Edited to add: Daycare is all lined up! Yay! He will be on a two week trial period and we will see how it goes.

New resolve

I did some thinking last night and some internet reasearch and some talking to friends. I really think that Jack is having trouble with teething pain at daycare and I think he is looking to the DCP for comfort. I think she must not be providing whatever it is he needs. She has said he is inconsolable and I just can’t imagine that. I have only ever seen him throw a fit a few times – when he is tired, hungry, and not feeling well and it all hits him at once. So it seems to me that DCP is letting things go too far and then is not able to calm Jack, probably because her own issues at the moment are making it difficult to handle an infant. Even when things go too far and he gets super upset, Jack is pretty responsive to the five S’s (shhhing, sucking, shaking/swaying, swaddling, and side-lying).

I am going to talk to her today and see if I can’t get her to go through the 5 S’s, try the carrier (we have three so she can choose whichever one she feels most comfortable in), and use teething tablets or tylenol/ibuprofen. If she won’t try that, then I personally feel that she is not willing to work with Jack. She has a 2 week notice policy for discontinuance of care (which I feel that I don’t owe her if she is not willing to try my suggestions for calming Jack), so I am going to tell her that this is 2 weeks trial notice to see if things get better. I really think the situation will improve if she changes her attitude a bit and also when Jack’s tooth comes through (it is so close!).

I went over our expenses yesterday and figured out how much I’d be getting while on leave. We would be barely making it. And if I had to get a night job, it would be able the same with the paycut. So this is absolutely the last resort.

I still haven’t heard back from the SAHM I e-mailed but I have her telephone number and will give her a call. If she can’t take him, I can call around to some other people and I might even be able to get a nanny. That would be more expensive but would be less of a financial hardship than quitting my job. Also, our friend Melissa is thinking of quitting her job and might be able to take Jack. So, we will see. I’d like to exhaust every daycare effort before leaving my job.

I think I feel better today because Jack is home with Joe and I won’t be getting a phone call saying he’s inconsolable and that I need to pick him up. Plus, my boss is leaving at 12 so maybe I’ll actually get some work done. I am so behind and I have made some horrible errors at work (like, cost the company money errors). I think I’m out of the running for employee of the year.

Edited to add: I refuse to give the DCP the OK to just let him cry. It is common human decency to give comfort, especially to a young baby who has no idea why he’s having such a hard time.

Putting plans in motion

Jack only lasted until 11 in daycare before I had to pick him up. We took him to the doctor to rule out ear infection and anything else – he is perfectly fine. So, it must be the daycare. It doesn’t look like he’ll be going back.

Step 1 – call other daycare providers to test him out there. If that doesn’t work…

Step 2 – take leave of absence from work.

It never hurts to have a plan

I am exhausted. Jack went down to bed at 7 (unusual for him) and slept 1.5 hours before waking up to eat and get a diaper change, which was just great. I put him back down after feeding and nighttime diapering him and while he was basically down for the night, he awoke every 1-2 hours from then on. So, I am seriously lacking sleep. I need caffeine.

While he was down for his first nap, I called his daycare provider and asked her what a typical day was like. From what she described, it sounds like she is doing everything right. So the only thing I can think is happening is a) he has a health issue going on, or b) he is going to get his teeth very, very soon. So I took him to daycare again today and gave her instructions to administer tylenol if he gets worked up again (with the assumption that it’s his teeth that are bothering him – when I picked him up yesterday he was very chewy and I did give him teething tablets). If that doesn’t work, I am kind of out of ideas. He has a check-up tomorrow to make sure his ears are fine and we will ask them to look him over for anything else that might be going on.

If this keeps happening (if he just freaks out at daycare no matter where we send him), I do have a contingency plan. It involves taking the rest of my leave (6 weeks family leave at 60% of my pay) and once that’s over I could get a job working nights/weekends at Starbucks. I could get health insurance through Starbucks, Jack would be covered under Healthy Families, and Joe can get any general medical stuff done at the clinic at school. We can eliminate some expenses and pay smaller amounts toward our debts.

I also contacted a SAHM who does daycare to find out if she has room for a 6 month old. I found her through the local La Leche League and she is also a doula. If she is available we would try her out before going to my contingency plan of changing jobs.

So, that’s the latest. I am keeping my fingers crossed that things get better at daycare but if they don’t, at least we have something else we can try. I absolutely will not let my child stay in daycare if all he does is cry. He is generally such a happy baby – it is not the norm for him to cry at all. I don’t get this.

This is getting old

Got another call from daycare. Jack is now at work with me because he was inconsolable and screaming. He is absolutely fine as far as I can tell. Time to find new daycare or take a leave of absense from work.

My, how you’ve grown!

Jack is six months old today! Wow, I can’t believe how the time has flown. My little boy is getting so big already.

We took him in for his well baby appointment yesterday.  He weighed in at 18 lbs. 13 oz. and measured 27.25″ tall.  He has dropped from the 95/90th percentiles for weight/height for age to about the 80th percentile.  He is still a big boy, but now the gap between he and others his age isn’t quite so huge.  Because Jack is taking his time gaining back the weight he lost while sick (he is still down about 1.5 lbs. from pre-RSV), we will be delaying solids since breastmilk has more calories and we’d like to give him a chance to get more of the weight back.  Perhaps we will do the solids thing at 7 months.

The NP was amazed that he had healed so well from RSV so quickly.  I think we can thank breastmilk for that!  He hasn’t coughed for over a week, his breathing is totally normal, and he no longer has a runny nose.  He was totally smiley as always, and was a champ when it came to getting shots.  We were all happy that there were only two this time rather than four.  His ears had a bit of fluid in them, so the NP thinks he is either just getting over something or just starting.  We have a follow-up appointment next Friday.  Oh, and he does not have pink eye, so I can reassure the DCP on that one.

Developmentally, Jack is right on track as always.  He reaches for things, looks for things that have dropped, chats up a storm, sits up without support (until something catches his eye and he takes a dive for it – he is still figuring out what it means to fall down), can pick things up with his thumb and forefinger, rolls over both ways, stands with support of a coffee table or person, and can copy actions (i.e. mom turns the clickly star on his toy, then he turns the clicky star on the toy).  He loves peek-a-boo and itsy bitsy spider.  He is still teething but no eruptions yet – we’re thinking he’ll get several teeth at once.  I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough.

Oh yeah, and he loves the baby in the mirror.  Or maybe it’s the crazy guy in the mirror – who’s to say?

Foot in mouth

Did I just say I was feeling less stressed? Well, I might as well have shot myself. Just got an e-mail from daycare saying that Jack is fussy again and we might have to come pick him up. She even suggested perhaps he has pink eye (which I doubt – I think it’s still just sick stuff). He has a dr. appointment tomorrow, anyway, so I will go ahead and ask.

Jesus fucking christ, does everyone go through this with daycare? Jack has been not quite as sweet lately but he is still not that bad! Does my daycare lady just suck at soothing him? Is she just not willing to give him the attention he needs right now (whether that means spending like 10 extra minutes with him to get him to nap or whatever)? Call me crazy, but I think all babies are fussy sometimes. Is that really excuse enough to send the kid home?

I can now see the appeal of being a SAHM. This is aggravating as hell.

Can’t get a break

Up until now I could often be heard saying that I have suffered every breastfeeding malady save low supply. And while I am producing enough technically, pumping has suddenly become a struggle. It would be fair to say that I am freaking the fuck out.

He loves me not, he loves me…

I got a call from the daycare lady at 3pm telling me Jack was inconsolable and perhaps he didn’t feel well. After phoning Joe to ask him to head to my work, I went to pick Jack up. He was crying when I got there but after he was passed to me and I shhed him a bit, he was sweet and happy as can be. He fussed in the carseat on the way over to my work but was fine as soon as I picked him up to head inside. When Joe arrived, I nursed Jack and sent him off. He fell asleep in the car and was fine until I got home. When he saw me, his arm shot out to reach for me. He is now super clingy and wanting to be with mom! What the heck is going on with the little guy? Perhaps it is because he is still getting over being sick. I dunno. I hope this doesn’t turn into a regular (separation anxiety) occurrence. It’s nice to know he loves me but I need to work…

My face hurts.

I think I have a sinus infection. The “migraines” I got Friday and Saturday were actually probably sinus headaches. My eyes and forehead hurt!

Other than this nasty sick stuff, I had a pretty good weekend. Spent all of Saturday with Melissa and Christian playing Super Nintendo while Joe was at work. I had tons of fun playing Super Mario Bros. and just relaxing. We also stopped in at Target to look at carseats. I wanted to check out the seats I was considering, although Joe and I had already pretty much decided to go with the same seat that we already have (Evenflo Triumph). Even though it has some annoying features, it is one of the best-rated by Consumer Reports and we know how to use it. I like the fact that the harness doesn’t have to be rethread with each adjustment and the tightening knob is on the side instead of against the back of the seat. Anyway, Target only had a display model but at least I got to check out the other seats to make sure I really didn’t want them. I ended up ordering a luxury version of our current seat from Amazon on Sunday.

I did not do much yesterday since I was still feeling pretty crappy. I have not been sleeping well (a sore face really messes with me!). I did manage to do a load of laundry and run the dishwasher, so it wasn’t a complete waste of a day. In the evening the fam went over to Jenn and Chris’s place for pizza. We watched some wacky documentary on a Wisconsin “filmmaker.” It was bizarre. It was fun to hang out, though!

Jack is almost completely recovered and has been incredibly jovial and entertaining. I am so relieved! Now if I could just kick whatever I've got!