Reminder and a quick update

Reminder: Today is the last day to leave a comment on this post to get a chance to win a copy of Rebecca Woolf’s book!  I’ll be announcing the lucky reader’s name tomorrow.  I finished it in 3.5 days and absolutely loved it.  I can’t wait to hear reviews from all of you!

Two of Jack’s 2-year molars came in while I was out of town over the weekend.  He now has 18 teeth!  Only 2 left before this teething business is over (for a few years)!  YAY!  I firmly believe his recent sleep troubles are due to those molars.  He was drooling all over my side of the bed this morning.  Sheesh.

Three weeks from tomorrow we fly to Maryland to see my sister!  Since I was so happy with the service I received from the Traveling Baby Company back in December when Jack and I flew to Seattle, I decided to go through them again to rent a carseat, stroller, and baby monitor for this trip.  Their prices are great and their equipment is exactly what I would buy.  I am so excited for this visit and I can now enjoy the anticipation because I don’t have to worry about how to lug all kinds of gear along.  I can focus on worrying about how to keep Jack entertained on the plane for 5+ hours.

First Trip Away

My trip went well - better than I could have expected, really.  My boys made me proud!  Jack ate well, slept well, behaved well, and was incredibly adorable on the phone with me.  His face lit up when I arrived home yesterday!  It feels so good to know that the household can survive if I go away for a few days (except for the part where Joe’s job went bye bye, but that wasn’t completely unexpected).

The weather in Washington was sunny and beautiful.  Beth sent her husband to San Francisco so we could have a girl’s weekend, so we stayed up late and attempted to sleep in (apparently parenthood has destroyed my ability to sleep past 8am, though).  We went to a tulip festival, shopped at some outlets, treated ourselves to pedicures, watched a sappy movie (Waitress – very cute!), attended high tea, and strolled around Pike Place Market.  There was a lot of good food and special treats, too.  Fabulous!

I missed Joe and Jack so much while I was away.  As I sat in the airport waiting to board the plane that would take me away from them, I had to leave the gate briefly when a baby started crying because it was just too much for me in my nervous state.  I felt better as the weekend went by and Joe informed me that things were going well, but there were so many times when I wished that Jack was there to see the tulips or the space needle or the kitten playing in Beth’s backyard.

I wondered if Jack might decide to wean himself while I was away but, as I suspected, the first word out of his mouth when he saw me was “milk.”  And though he had gone to sleep just fine without nursing the previous 3 nights, he absolutely wanted to nurse to sleep last night.  I didn’t mind at all because it gave me a chance to snuggle and kiss him and remind my senses of all that I missed about my little boy.

On the road to weaning

We are somewhat working on weaning.  Well, some say that weaning begins when solids are introduced, but that is not how I think of weaning.  Up until very recently, I have always let Jack call the shots on nursing.  Nursing is an important part of his nutrition as well as his emotional development, and I don’t want to take it away before he is ready.  With that said, I have found breastfeeding to be emotionally difficult for me throughout the duration, and I feel that I am reaching my limit.  I am trying to strike a balance that will work for both Jack and me.

As Jack has shown less interest in nursing and more interest in the world around him, I have begun to test the waters a bit.  I have really made an effort to get on top of solids to ensure that meals are prepared quickly when he gets hungry so that he is less likely to get impatient and decide to nurse instead of eat solids.  Consistency and proactivity about meal and snack times have been key.  Additionally, when he does ask to nurse I try to see if I can offer cow’s milk or water instead, or a hug if it seems that he wants attention.  This has been working really well, with only minimal balking from Jack.

I’ve stepped things up as of late.  Many a morning I have had to leave for work before Jack is up, so we skip our morning nursing session.  Some mornings we run late and although he asks to nurse, I offer him food or water or cow’s milk and he is perfectly content with that (although it surprises me every time!).  I have been attending group therapy directly after work on Thursdays and so we have delayed that post-work nursing session or skipped it in favor of a longer nursing-to-sleep session after I get home.  He has been sleeping so well lately that some days we are down to only one nursing session!

I’m going out of town tonight and I have thought a lot about what will happen while I’m away and when I return.  I know that some kids Jack’s age wean themselves when their mamas travel away for a few days, and I’m prepared for that possibility.  Still, I can’t really see that happening.  It would sure shock the hell out of me.  More likely, the remaining nursing sessions will continue to dwindle away until we cease for good some time in the fall.  That would be just about perfect, in my opinion.

While I’m looking forward to moving on from this stage of our relationship, I know it also signifies that Jack is truly starting to grow up.  That, of course, sends a little pang to my heart.  Nursing or not, Jack will always be my sweet son, my special little guy, my babyman.

Rockabye: From Wild to Child (& giveaway)

I attended a book reading last night at A Great Good Place for Books in Oakland.  One of my favorite blog writers, Rebecca Woolf of Girl’s Gone Child and Babble.com’s Straight From the Bottle, has released her first book entitled Rockabye: From Wild to Child.  I devoured the first few chapters yesterday before attending the reading, and I was completely engrossed.

Even though her story is different from mine, as all aspects of my pregnancy were planned out way ahead of time, her story resonates with me.  She describes so well the feelings of a woman who abruptly switches gears in her life and questions her identity as she transitions to the role of mother.  Planned pregnancy or not, parenthood feels like the first time you are thrown into a pool when you don’t know how to swim – you have to act on instinct and do your damnest to stay afloat as the water tries to suck you down.  Surviving is more important in the moment than doing a perfect job!

I love Rebecca’s depiction of her relationship with her husband, as well.  At the reading last night she described how difficult it was to remember why she fell in love with her husband amid the chaos of new parenthood.  I doubt anyone is able to anticipate how their relationship with their partner will change when the family expands, and I share her amazement over the enduring marriages of her parents and grandparents.  I have found it difficult at times to push aside the mama bear and remember that my husband is on my team – that it is not all up to me to protect and nourish our son.

I highly recommend this book (and Rebecca’s blog) to any new parent, but especially those out there who struggle with the new identity that comes along with motherhood.  I think there is something in this book for all of us parents, not the least of which is a feeling that we aren’t alone in the struggles and celebrations that come along with creating life.

Rebecca was completely charming and absolutely delightful to meet.  I personally love how much she curses, and laughed heartily when she explained that her son’s limited vocabulary is heavily laden with curse words.  Maybe it’s a California girl thing, maybe it’s a young mom thing, or maybe it’s just our stubborn refusal to give our pre-baby selves up completely.  Whatever it is, I love it.  I will cherish my signed copy of her book, in which she wrote:

Ewok Mama, you are wild and wonderful and rockin’!!  All my love to you and kisses for Jack.  Love always, Rebecca

Rebecca Woolf is currently touring the west coast to promote her book; see her schedule here.  For you local bay area folks, you can see her in San Francisco tonight at 7:30pm!

Contest time!  Leave a comment to tell me a little something about your transition to motherhood (or planned transition!) and win a free copy of the book!  (Winner will be chosen at random.  Contest ends 4/30/08.)

More than Words

Jack has been speaking in sentences for months but for the most part they were either two word sentences or copied from Joe or me (“Ca’have please?”).  Recently he has started to use pronouns, adjectives, and he has been changing words out of his standard vocabulary to suit different situations.  “I like it” became “I want it” and then evolved to “I want other side please.”  This weekend as we were driving around Humboldt, he pointed out the window and said “Trees!  Tall trees!  I like trees!”  He has also figured out that the opposite of more is “no more.”  Witnessing his growing understanding of language is fascinating.  We are there to supply the tools but his mind is doing all the work of figuring out how to use them.  We are constantly being surprised by his language skills.

I believe I have mentioned that Jack’s daycare providers are Brazilian and speak both English and Portuguese to the kids.  Jack is quickly learning all kinds of words that Joe and I are clueless about (since we know only limited amounts of Spanish and French, and no Portuguese!).  Luckily Jack is starting to ask for things in multiple languages to make sure he gets his point across.  It totally cracked me up the first time I heard him ask for “mais” when I didn’t provide the response he was looking for to “more.”

Tantrum Inducers

• Waking up in the morning
• Taking off his shirt
• Trying to put on his shoes
• Not giving him the crayon you are holding when he says “ca’have please” and shoves his crayon in your face
• Denying him his “right” to twiddle one breast while nursing the other

and questions he’ll always answer no to (even if he means yes):

• Do you want some dinner?
• Is your diaper wet?
• Do you want to sit on the potty?
• Do you want to take a bath?
• Can you pick a different book?
• Which shirt do you want to wear?

A Toddler and a Baby

We got a chance last night to see what it would be like to have two young children.  Joe and I babysat our 5 month old niece for a few hours while her parents got out for their first post-baby date night.  It was an interesting experiment, for sure.

The night started off with the little chica getting upset when her mama handed her over to me.  None of my baby soothing skills were working to assuage the separation anxiety, so my SIL took over the calming effort and rocked her daughter to sleep.  SIL and BIL left soon after, but the nap only lasted about 20 minutes and then there was a bit more squawking.  Joe flexed his baby whispering skills and the little one settled into a nap in his arms (I never realized how sexy it is to watch a handsome man calming a crying infant, let me tell ya!); the second nap lasted 1.5 hours!  During this time, I kept Jack busy (and tried to keep him quiet) while also preparing dinner.  Once the little one awoke, we tag teamed feeding time and then it was back to Uncle Joe because Aunt Crystal is apparently not the cool one.  I did get a few smiles as long as I was not holding her or making any sudden movements.

Jack did really well sharing us.  He tried to help by providing bottle, pacifier, or calming pats to his cousin’s head.  It was quite adorable, as were the many kisses he showered upon her and us.  The less-fun things involved him squealing loudly during naptime and insisting on doing whatever the baby was doing (nursing while she received a bottle, being held lots).  It felt like Joe and I were two single parents on a play date in an unfamiliar setting.

It was a really interesting experience and while we enjoyed caring for our niece and giving our family members a little break, we also realized that we definitely aren’t ready for two kids full time.  We’d like more time to enjoy the little freedoms we’ve gotten accustomed to with our toddler before adding to the mix.

We were thanked profusely for babysitting our niece.  This afternoon while lunching with my BIL, I expressed to him my appreciation for providing the motivation to (after 21 months of hemming and hawing on my part) start that pack of birth control pills sitting neglected in the medicine cabinet.  Many, many thanks, J&S! 

Big Plans

This is pretty huge.  I hope you all can appreciate how huge it is.  I know it may not sound like that big of a deal but to me it feels like someone handed me a million dollars.  I brought it up to Joe a few weeks ago.

Me: How would you feel about me taking a weekend trip by myself?

Joe: I would feel fine with that.

Me: Really?

Joe: Yeah.  It’s gotta happen some time.

So, it’s official.  My plane ticket has been purchased.  Arrangements have been made.  My first overnight trip away from Jack since he was born 21 months ago is set.  I will be two states away from my family for 3 days and 3 nights.  Maybe I’ll even get to sleep through one of those nights!

There is a little niggling doubt that jabs me every now and then and suggests I’m being selfish for wanting this time away.  I’m pushing that aside, though, and focusing on the fact that self-care is important.  I have neglected myself far too long and my family has suffered because of it.  This is not just for me; my mental health also affects Joe and Jack.

So I’m nervous, but mostly excited.  This is a big step for us all.  I’m not expecting things to go completely smoothly, but I would not be totally surprised if things were just fine without me, either.  After all, Jack has two parents for a reason, right?  Joe is a fantastic father and this will be a wonderful opportunity for the two of them to find a groove of their own.

The blogging parent’s dilemma

I’ve been out of the blogging habit for the last couple of weeks while I’ve been addressing my depression.  I have a lot going on between therapy (x3), a managing depression class, and making some little changes so that I can be the person I feel I am.  Not to mention that I am still working full time, and being a wife and a mother.

It has felt nice to put the computer on the back burner and push aside any guilt about the lack of writing.  Still, I want to chronicle all that is going on with Jack.  He is changing so much every day, growing up before my eyes.  His energy is so big and so consuming that is it hard to describe or even find time to document.  Just as our little family figures out a routine and settles in, Jack pulls out another new trick and shakes things up again.  My life is constantly in motion now and I don’t want to miss it…but I also don’t want to forget it.

I’ll am trying to find a new balance.  Maybe I won’t be as involved in the internet life but I’m happy to say that I will be more involved in my little boy’s life.

The little beast

We try really hard to give Jack choices and autonomy as much as we are able and is appropriate.  We want to avoid the major power struggles that come with the “terrible twos” if at all possible.  Alas, sometimes the kid just wants to throw a fit anyway.

He no longer wears shoes when going to daycare.  It’s always a time crunch in the morning, so if he throws a fit and kicks off his shoes, shoeless he will go.  They don’t wear shoes unless playing outside at daycare, so it’s not a big deal for the most part.  I do have to carry him down to the car (2 floors down), though.  I am not sure why shoes are such a bone of contention these days but I suppose it’s one of the only things he can find to argue about.

Jack has started throwing tantrums at bedtime, too.  He seems to object to taking his shirt off to change into pajamas.  Maybe because it’s cold?  He doesn’t say what is wrong, just starts wailing and will go on and on for 20 minutes if we don’t distract him from his fit.  He even cries real tears!  I’m sure by now our neighbors think we are abusive or something since this is becoming a common occurrence.

Tantrums are stressful but also funny.  Why does he blow up over these simple things?  Sometimes hugs work to calm him, sometimes we wait it out, and sometimes a distraction works wonders.  Reasoning with him never works but it doesn’t stop us from trying.

High drama in toddlertown, man. 

Daycare Transition Revisited

Daycare is going so well now.  Jack is firmly settled in and each morning when we drop him off he dashes out of our arms to play with the other kids.  He no longer even says goodbye!  Two days ago we got an opportunity to observe everyone on their way to the park and Jack’s face was totally lit up.  It was so wonderful to see.

Of course I feel a little twinge when he completely forgets about me the moment the providers open their front door, but mostly I am just thrilled that we have found such wonderful people to care for our son while we’re at work.  He is clearly thriving and this transition has really shown me that my feelings about the previous daycare were spot on.  This experience has taught me that I *do* have instincts.  Thank goodness I listened to them!

And even though he doesn’t say goodbye, he is always ecstatic to see us when we pick him up. 

Tricks are for kids

Jack loves guitars.  He makes his dad draw them with crayons, demands to watch guitar on the computer (doesn’t matter what it is as long as a guitar appears) and helps Joe play guitar or bass with his very own pick.  He carries the pick around a lot.  The other day I stuck the pick in his pocket and his eyes lit up, like it was the greatest trick ever!  Except, well, he didn’t really get the whole pocket thing because ever since then he has been sticking the pick up his pant leg and hiding it there.  It totally cracks him up!

It cracks me up, too.