It’s been a couple months since I started treatment for my depression. I am doing a lot better in most respects. My moods are stablilizing and as long as I keep things simple, I am functioning fairly well. I’m learning how to tend to my own needs in addition to my family’s. It’s still difficult but I am hopeful that with time and effort it will become second nature.
Still, it never feels like there is downtime. I resent my commute to work because that is additional time taken away from my family. There are so few hours on weeknights and those hours are often filled with chores: preparing dinner, dishes, bills, packing the diaper bag, laundry…it seems I am always doing chores instead of spending time with Joe and Jack. In addition, I spend two nights a week at Kaiser trying to get all of this depression stuff worked out. I know it will be worth it, and I need those hours set aside to work on myself, but I miss my family fiercely.
Adding to the complications in our life, Joe is jobless after June. He has an interview this weekend, and we are hopeful that this one will come through for him. If he is hired, we will still have other things to worry about. It’s a seasonal job, so the future is still uncertain. His commute will be at least an hour each way, and we are locked into our apartment lease until October so we cannot move closer. A longer commute for Joe will mean continued stress around getting Jack to and from daycare. I would need to get to work late and leave early every day in order to do the dropping off and picking up. I’m sure the problem with that is obvious.
We have challenges ahead of us but I feel more prepared to deal with them than I did six months ago. I know we will make it through because we always do. I’m trying to look at the upcoming uncertainty as an opportunity to flex my newfound depression-fighting muscles. I’m keenly aware that Jack is watching, and I am hoping he’ll learn from me how to kick ass in life.