Preparation

I’ve never much liked surprises.  I am a planner and I like to know what is going to happen next.  Maybe that is why I feel so in sync with this stage of Jack’s development.  Every night around 8:30 I tell Jack “soon we will go read books.”  He brushes his teeth and does whatever he feels like he needs to do and then announces that he is ready to read books.  We usually read three.  I can switch out one or two but it’s good to keep a standard book in there (right now it is “Underwear Do’s and Don’ts” by Todd Parr).

After reading through two of the books, I announce, “Okay, Jack, this is the last book.  Then we will turn out the light and go to sleep.”  The last book is read and Jack lays down while I turn off his light.

“You’ve gotta lay with me and snuggle, Mama,” Jack tells me.

“Okay, I will lay down with you for a little bit, but then you have to go to sleep and Mama goes to her bed.”

I tuck him in and lay down beside him.  We snuggle and hold hands for a bit, and then I tell him goodnight and walk out.  He usually tosses and turns for 20 minutes or so and then falls asleep.  Occasionally he calls out for me and I go back in to reassure him that everything is okay and he can go to sleep.

I’m continually amazed that this process works.  I think preparation is the key.  I let him know, sometimes several times before actually doing anything, that we are going to do XYZ “soon.”  Most of the time I do not even have to tell him when it’s time to do these things…he tells me HE is ready.  (Lest you think he is always this easy going, a random ”okay, time to go!” will elicit tears at the drop of a hat.)

I actually feel like I know what I’m doing these days as a mom.  I have my moments, of course, and I still struggle with guilt over various things, but I have Jack right there to show me that I’m doing a pretty good job.  He is happy and healthy and smart and sweet and everything that I could hope to have in a kid.  Bizarrely, I never prepared myself for that, and I’m totally enjoying this surprise.

One Busy Ewokmama

I have so many things to talk about I don’t know where to start! I want to write about Jack’s 3rd birthday party in a post of its own (as soon as his dad sends me party pictures), so I won’t talk about that here. How about a general update? I apologize in advance if this is poorly written, and will explain more on why that might be toward the end.

First off, an update on potty training. After using the potty twice at home, Jack went to his dad’s for the weekend and refused to use the potty there. He has also refused to use it since returning home, although he uses it about four times a day at daycare. I think he is hitting a point where he is afraid of growing up (did anyone see Moxie’s post about this recently?) because in addition to refusing to use the potty here, he also insists that he is NOT 3 (he would like to remain 2.5) and NOT a big boy. So, yeah. It’s not a big deal for me, though. For now, he is peeing in the potty at daycare and that is awesome. I am just happy to have a decreased amount of diaper laundry to wash!

This week has been absolutely insane. I had some major things going on with both of my roles at work, and it is the last week of my first semester in school. As you can imagine, I was pulled in many different directions and burning the candle at ends I didn’t even know it had. Finally, all of my major projects came to a close yesterday, include the second of my final projects for school. The relief is so great I woke up ill today (hence my poorly organized writing). Oh joy.

In addition to my two roles at school and my venture into college, I have gone and gotten myself involved in yet another project to which I just couldn’t say no! That project is called Savvy Source, a website with which many of you are probably already familiar. For those of you who aren’t already acquainted with Savvy Source, it is a website aimed at parents of toddlers and preschoolers who are looking for information on preschools and activities in their area. I have been hired to write for the San Francisco City Guide portion of the site and assist with some new tools the Powers That Be are unveiling. I can’t tell you how excited I am to be a part of this, and urge you all to go over to the site now and check it out. It is fantastic!

As you can see, my life is just a tad crazy right now, but it’s a good crazy and I totally asked for all of it. I wish there was slightly less chaos, but I could not think of a single thing I’d want to give up right now. I am loving my (busy) life, which is good because I don’t think things will be slowing down any time soon!

Ready, Set, Potty

We are very suddenly potty training. Well, training isn’t really the word. On Sunday Jack came to me and announced that he wanted to use the potty. I pulled out the Baby Bjorn potty, pulled his pants and diaper down, and read him a book about peeing and pooping while he did both on the potty. It was surprisingly easy. We clapped and were proud!

Monday night the same thing happened, so yesterday I sent Jack to daycare armed with pull-ups training pants. He used the potty five times! I had only one item to put in the laundry yesterday and that was a pair of cloth training pants. Yay! Last night he did not want to use the potty, but this morning at daycare he couldn’t take his eyes off the potty. Funny kid.

I am amused by this turn of events. Mostly I think it’s interesting that I didn’t have to do much at all – that Jack told me when he was ready to use the potty. I love it when things just fall into place like this; I’m a huge fan of parenting along the path of least resistance!

Birthday Time

Jack is 3 today! I can hardly believe it, except that he woke up in a cantankerous mood and declared that he did NOT want to be 3. I’m pretty sure that the mere disputing of being 3 plants him squarely at that age.

I got lucky Thursday night and found a ton of space-themed items at The Party Stylists store here in San Francisco. There were space shuttle plates, planet party favors, space stickers, star candles, and even a Happy Birthday banner with an astronaut on it. Bingo! I bought some decorative icing and used my mama skills to draw a rocket on his cake, too. I hadn’t intended to have a themed party but it all worked out that way. Don’t ya just love it when that happens?

Friends and family gathered at our home in San Francisco on Saturday to celebrate. We even met some new friends (some of you may know VDog and she is featured in the video below if you have a good eye). Toddler-geared lunch was served in the form of PB&J sandwiches, carrot sticks, cucumbers, goldfish crackers, and juice boxes. Could it get any easier?

So what does a three year old like to receive for his birthday? I think the answer is everything! But here are the biggest hits for the Jackonaut (whose little gems of wisdom can now be found on Twitter, by the way, under that name):

Mobi Tyke Light (aka Glow Alien), accompanied by glow-in-the-dark stars that we stuck to his ceiling (not pictured)

WALL-E and Eve plushies

Space Shuttle
I made the mistake of handing this one to him too early and he did NOT want to open anything else afterward. I tried everything I could think of, and finally told him that the other gifts had rockets in them, too. Luckily he was not disappointed by anything he saw!

Remote control “land shark”

And legos, of course. No need for a picture of those! Other great gifts were hermit crabs from Jack’s dad and a tricycle from David. Those will both take a little growing into but they were a bit hit. He got two space-themed books entitled Roaring Rockets and Space Boy. Space Boy is a bit wordy for his age (or maybe just for this lazy mama) but Roaring Rockets is perfect.

There are still a few items to come (Buzz Lightyear & Woody with a rocket and a LeapPad) and I’m sure those will be hits as well.

Here is the video of Jack’s friends and family singing the birthday song to him.

Unbelievable!

I was having issues trying to get Jack to go to sleep.  We would read our bedtime stories (three books usually) and lay down and snuggle and then he would climb all over me or kick me or hit me or whatever until either he fell asleep or I lost patience completely.  A few nights ago, after about an hour of trying to get him to go to sleep, he decided to up the ante and started stripping…I left the room and hid in the dark dining room, head in my hands, shaking with anger while listening to Jack yell for me.  David stepped in and distracted Jack, diapered and clothed him, and got him in bed.  Jack asked for me so he told him to wait there and he would get mama, then he walked out.

Here’s the unbelievable part – Jack fell asleep almost immediately.  I didn’t go into the room.  Yesterday was a similar situation – after an hour of trying to get him to sleep and fed up with being treated as a bounce house, I left the room and grudgingly asked David for help (yeah…it’s hard for me to ask for help).  He repeated his previous experiment – went in and got Jack to lay down, told him to wait for mama and walked out, closing the door behind him – and Jack fell asleep without a peep.

Tonight we changed it up.  I gave in to the awesomeness that is ‘David the natural step-parent’ and on his suggestion, I read to Jack and got him to lay down, told him I’d be back in a bit and to wait for me, then left the room.  I fluttered around outside the door for a bit waiting for him to call or cry.  I didn’t even hear a peep.  He fell asleep without making a sound.  When I looked at David he had a huge grin on his face and I guarantee he was thinking, “Yeah, I am so rocking this step parenting thing!”

I’m in awe of both the males in my house.

Grateful for imagination

Jack was not happy about getting up this morning.  From the moment he opened his eyes he was upset.  “We have to close the door!  We have to go to sleep!”  I wish, kid!  He spent the next 45 minutes or so yelling at the top of his lungs because he didn’t want to get dressed, didn’t want to watch George, dropped his piece of friendship bread, and then OMG my chocolate egg is broken and I wanted to crack it open but now I can’t!!!  Yeah, you can see how I tried to use bribery when all else failed.  And even the bribery didn’t work.

What did?  A SPACE HELMET.  I told Jack that if he got dressed he could wear the space helmet (David’s bicycle helmet) and we could go to outer space.  He changed his attitude immediately.  We got out of the door within 10 minutes.  I convinced him my car was my spaceship and we were going to take off!  He counted down to lift off at every stop sign.  He was smiling by the time we got to daycare.  I then told him he needed to find some rockets and teach his fellow astronauts about space.  Off he went to look for rockets among the daycare toys!

I lied to my kid - a huge, bald-faced, complete lie.  And I will do it again and again if it gets him out of the house in the morning and saves my sanity.

Product Review: Ecostore USA Bath Products

I recently got a chance to try some new-to-the-US bath products and wanted to share my thoughts here for anyone else looking for something eco-friendly, animal-friendly, and chemical-free.  Ecostore USA makes bath and body products for babies, adults, and pets, as well as household cleaning agents.  They got their start in New Zealand 20 years ago and are now entering the US market through internet orders and Meijer stores.

For Jack I got the Baby Shampoo and Baby Body Wash.  I’ve been searching for some bath products that would work with his dry, sensitive skin.  Even at almost 3 he still has issues with “cradle cap.”  Luckily he has a ton of hair to cover it up but we have tried Johnson & Johnson, Method, and DHC products and none of them has made an impact on his scalp.  We tried the Ecostore baby shampoo this weekend and I totally fell in love.  It was extremely easy to rinse out (which is awesome because Jack has absolutely no patience for having his head rinsed) because it it not overly sudsy and sticky.  His fine hair was soft and shiny when it dried and there was a huge improvement in the dryness of his scalp.

I also got the Manuka Sandalwood Shampoo, which is marketed as helpful for dry, flakey scalps.  David and I both have dry skin issues and have difficulty finding products that don’t strip our natural oils or cause the opposite problem – greasy hair – so in my neverending pursuit to find a product that is just right, I decided to try this one.  Again, I totally love this product.  It doesn’t dry out my hair or cause crazy amounts of frizz (yet there is still body!) after using the shampoo.  The smell is divine and great for both genders.  I like the fact that a little bit goes a long way and the shampoo suds up, unlike some other organic products that I have used.  Even with the suds, it is not difficult to rinse out.

And now it’s contest time!  If you would like to win a $25 gift certificate to the Ecostore website, please leave a comment by Friday, April 17, and I will pick a name at random!

Also of note: Ecostore is offering free shipping on all orders over $25 for the month of April in celebration of earth month.

The Making of a Step-Family

Jack’s daycare is closed this week for spring break.  Since David is still job hunting (applying for the few and far between jobs that come available – arg, the economy surely sucks!), Jack is at home with him.  David has watched Jack by himself for a few hours at a time upon occasion and has helped with day-to-day care of Jack but this is the first time he’s had extended sole responsibility of the boy.  And you know what?  He is doing a fantastic job!

I’m not that surprised.  David is a natural with kids and also extremely observant.  He has absorbed a lot about how I parent just by watching and living with me and Jack.  He has integrated into the step-father role with a larger amount of ease than I thought was possible.  This just makes me love him that much more!

Monday went even more smoothly than I had anticipated.  Not only did Jack have *fun* with David, but he ate really well, played at the park, and even took a two hour nap!  David is proud of himself and with good reason – getting a toddler to nap is not usually an easy feat and two hours of sleep?  That is pure perfection.

I am truly enthralled watching the step-parenting transition happen and the bond grow between David and Jack.  Parenting with blood relatives is fairly straight-forward as you have the obvious ties and social norms to rely on.  Joe and I had some things to negotiate between the two of us in our parenting partnership, but our responsibilities toward Jack were pretty simple to determine.  The step-parent integration seems more complex, as it generally takes place over less time and the dynamics aren’t always readily apparent or accepted.  Rejection can come from the child, the mother, the father, or the person doing the step-parenting.  David has had to consider everything he does with Jack from the perspective of Jack, of me, and of Joe.  He has been very careful not to step on any toes while at the same time interacting with Jack in a manner that would get them on the right path to a symbiotic step-parent/-child relationship.  His methods have paid off, it seems.  I’m sure there will be challenges that aren’t resolved easily in the future, but it is good to know we have some success to build upon.

Multiple personalities

A lot of parents worry that their children won’t do XYZ when they go to daycare because of how they do things at home.  I’ve heard (and sometimes shared) concerns about sleeping and eating habits.  But here is the reality: kids are better behaved at daycare.  I don’t know if it’s the herd mentality or the fact that at home he feels the need to assert his independence, but it’s pretty amazing the things Jack will do at daycare without any fuss at all.

• At home Jack runs from me when it’s diaper changing time, but at daycare he will lay down when the other kids are getting diapers changed and demand that his be changed, as well, wet or not!
• Jack fights sleep at home (unless he is *really* tired) and has very strict policies about being in his bed with only a sheet covering him.  Also, Mom must lay down with him and we can’t forget to read at least three books.  At daycare, he will ask to take a nap and lay down on the floor with toys clutched to his chest.  He rarely sleeps less than 2 hours and no snuggling or reading is necessary.
• Many a day Jack has bemoaned going to daycare, claiming that he does not want to see his friends, and then when we get there he lights up and runs off to play without giving me a second thought.
• Shoes are always a struggle.  You may all remember that I had to buy the same exact style of See Kai Run shoes in the next size up and hide the fact that they were new from Jack.  I have many other pairs of shoes for Jack, as well, which he will not wear at home but will wear at daycare.
• Jack favors cucumbers and apples and cheese at home.  At daycare he prefers corn and carrots and pasta.
• When I dance or sing at home he tells me to stop with a glare.  At daycare he is the star of the dancing/singing show!

What can you add?

Our Little Astronaut

Jack’s obsession with rockets rages on and has even expanded.  He now dictates which youtube videos of rocket launches we watch (they usually have to have a countdown, fire, and announce “we have a liftoff!”).  He will sometimes even consent to watching moon landings and shuttle orbits.  I took the opportunity Sunday night to begin educating him on our galaxy, but quickly realized I need to do some more research because I couldn’t remember the names of all the planets.  I knew there used to be nine and now there are only 8 because Pluto is now considered a dwarf planet.  (Side note: don’t you love it when they backtrack on the things you were taught in school?  Shouldn’t we all be notified by mail of the book revisions?)

Joe reminded me yesterday that Jack has had a fascination with the moon and stars since he was a baby.  This is the longest he has been interested in anything – longer than drawing and Curious George combined (although I believe the Curious George movie was the inspiration for his interests expanding to rockets).  So perhaps he will be an astronaut or astronomer!

One thing is clear – we need to get some more space-related educational materials.  My cousin recommended a movie called Space Chimps, but I think we need some more books, as well.  Any recommendations for toddler-friendly space media?

Questions of should have no real answers

Yesterday was one of those rare days when I seriously entertained the idea of having a second child.  Jack squealed with excitement when I picked him up from daycare and chatted with me the whole way home.  He talked about a mad giant who was “making so much noise!” and a beanstalk that “will hurt you because it’s pokey.”  He sat in my lap and cuddled with me on the couch.  We played rockets together, which involves taking various things that are vaguely shaped like rockets and pretending they are blasting off.  (We both must do this and the rocket sounds must correlate to the size of the rocket – “no, mama, you  have a little rocket!”)

Somewhere in the middle of hanging out with Jack I realized how much of a boy he is and how much I will miss these things when he grows up.  It all suddenly seems to be going by so quickly, just when I am really enjoying it.

In the past I questioned whether I should have more children (how many can I handle, do I want to give up the little bit of free time I have now, will having another child take away from Jack somehow, and do I really want to go through all the hard parts again) but yesterday I began to wonder if this is the last time I will experience all of this.  Until yesterday, I never thought of the question of a second child in terms of “what am I missing out on if I don’t have another child?”  The answer to that is much less complicated than the answer to the “should” question, but it also brings with it a whole slough of other questions – namely, am I okay with this being the last time?  And I am pretty sure that the answer to that is no.

Contrary Kid

Jack spent most of Saturday naked.  He refused to wear even a diaper or “big boy underwear.”  No pants, either.  I am completely out of ideas and just trying to hold onto my patience (and failing).  Getting him out of the house is pretty impossible.  In order to get him to his dad’s yesterday we distracted him with a book long enough to get his diaper and pants and socks on, then the gig was up.  I grabbed him and stole away quickly to the car to wrestle him into his carseat before he could disrobe.  He cried and fought the entire time.

I don’t have a problem with him running around naked but it would be nice to be able to leave the house.  Also we had guests over and I had to explain that Jack has decided to become a nudist and is potty training.  He is grasping the toilet idea really well and has gone pee in the potty several times, but I have cleaned up several messes of both types and his bed now stinks of pee because he keeps stripping in the middle of the night.

Any and all ideas and input are welcome.  This has been an extremely challenging time and it feels like the newborn stage in so many ways.  I feel powerless!  At the same time I am proud of Jack for deciding to grow up.  It’s just that it’s happening so quickly!

It’s potty time

Diaper struggles continue but we have had a breakthrough, I think.  Last night I took Zen Mama’s suggestion and told Jack that he had to wear his diaper or sit on the potty.  That started an hour long struggle to get him to either put on a diaper or sit on the potty…STUBBORN child!  Finally I told him that if he peed on the potty we would clap and have a party.  His face lit up and he sat right down.  Since then he hasn’t wanted to get off of the potty and he won’t stop talking about it!  I started to get a little worried when he sat on the potty after 20 minutes trying to get more urine out…I didn’t know how to explain that he was done for the time being.

I was able to get him into a diaper for bed but he took it off this morning and peed in the bed.  At least he knows the diaper comes off when he needs to use the facilities…now if I can just catch him before he pees in the bed and sit him on the toilet.

I feel like we are on potty training hyper speed!  He doesn’t want anything to do with diapers anymore.  I am not sure what to do because he won’t wear his training pants, either.  And what the heck do I do at night?  Time to get out the potty training book, I guess!

By the way, our party consisted of a blue lollipop and some brownies.  Oh, and lots of clapping and “I’m proud of you” and “You’re such a big boy!”  I should get him some balloons probably…

Obstinate Toddler

Jack woke up around 4am last night and totally stripped.  He didn’t want to wear pajamas, socks, or a diaper.  He peed all over his bed.  It took me about an hour and a half to negotiate him back into his clothes.  In the end I bribed him with chocolate.

This morning he didn’t want to wear a diaper or clothes AGAIN.  After trying unsuccessfully for an hour to get him dressed, I turned to David who managed to get him to “fly like an airplane” into his “airplane clothes.”  And then all was well.

Reverse psychology works sometimes…but not in the case of getting him dressed.  He is getting more and more stubborn and even *I* can’t out-stubborn him.  I try to give him choices but he snubs them all.  I try to put my foot down and force him to do things after the nice way doesn’t work and he just rips off his clothes anyway.  I try reverse psychology with limited success.  Bribery only works if I can figure out what he finds to be incredibly valuable.

I’m exhausted and frustrated.  How long does this phase last??

Like his mama

I’ve known for a while that Jack is a LOT like me.  And one of the things about me is that I’m damned stubborn.  There are certain things in life that I just don’t do until I’m pushed and prodded.  Jack is turning out to be the same but I didn’t realize that until we started to wean.

For months I’ve been trying various tactics to sway Jack from nursing.  Delays, distractions, and even outright refusals on my part.  Still it didn’t look like he was going to give up nursing any time soon.  Fortunately the custody arrangement Joe and I have has done a lot to help out in this process.  My once crazy oversupply settled down considerably as we skipped so many nighttime nursing sessions when Jack was with his dad.  One hurdle tackled!  I didn’t know where to go from there, though.  No matter how persistent I was with weaning tactics, he was stubbornly holding on to breastfeeding.

To give some background, I am a proponent of self-weaning.  I don’t care if other moms do it that way, but that is what I believe in for myself and my child.  With that said, I also believe that nursing is a relationship, one in which both participants should have a say in what happens.   Breastfeeding has always been a huge challenge for me due to touch issues from my messy childhood, but it was worth it to me to ignore those issues if I could in order to give my child the healthiest start possible.  Two years was my goal - I was pretty sure I could hold out that long, and I did.  When we hit two years, my impatience grew exponentially.  Then, a month ago, I reached the end of my rope when it became clear that Jack was no longer being settled at bedtime with nursing.  He nursed, then asked for cow’s milk, then asked for water, then flailed about until he fell asleep.  It was taking over an hour to get him to sleep once we got into bed and I knew this didn’t happen at his dad’s.  It was clear that nursing wasn’t doing the trick it used to, and on top of that Jack started to kick and hit me during our nursing sessions.  The benefits were no longer outweighing the cons for me or for Jack.

Enter David, my boyfriend.  He noticed how frustrated I was getting, so he studied Jack and me in order to figure out when/why Jack was asking to nurse.  He pointed out that Jack usually seemed bored or in need of comfort when he asked to nurse.  Put together with the fact that I had noticed nursing wasn’t working at bedtime, I realized Jack was probably ready to stop nursing and just didn’t know there were other ways to get his needs met.  With that, I decided to attempt a true weaning effort.  I waited until a weekend so that if I was up all night trying to get him to sleep, I wouldn’t have to worry about working the next day.  I explained to Jack that “mama’s milk is broken; there is no more” (and receiving kisses for my “owies”) and reminded him a few times when he forgot.  We spent extra time snuggling and increased the number of books we read to get sleepy.    It actually went very smoothly and Jack slept through the night with no problems.  That was 12 days ago…

So we are done.  Jack’s asked for mama’s milk maybe 2-3 times in the last two weeks and when I reminded him we no longer have mama’s milk, he wasn’t upset at all.  No tantrums, no tears.  Big sigh of relief from me!  Now that I look back I can clearly see all the signs of his readiness for weaning.  All he needed was some prodding!