I have never felt comfortable making decisions based upon emotion. Sure, I listen to my feelings to get me to act, but first I gather the evidence, analyze the information and then I am able to explain the issue and reason for acting. I usually try to give people/situations the benefit of the doubt because I understand that I can’t know all of the details. I assume I don’t have all of the information and try to incorporate a margin for error. I know this isn’t a perfect process but it works for me in most cases.
I have gone over the details of the daycare situation in my head over and over but could not come to a definitive decision. Many people would default to their instinct in a situation like this but, like I said, I try not to make decisions based on feeling. My husband is the one who is good with the feelings and so I generally use his feelings and my analysis when making decisions regarding Jack (if you are a sufferer of chronic depression, perhaps you understand why I choose to do this). His feelings were telling him everything was okay at daycare, while my analysis was saying there might be a problem. This left us in a holding pattern, so I deferred because I know I tend to be a little, um, harsh and judgmental.
Jack has this week seemed to settle into daycare. He no longer cries when Joe drops him off or picks him up. That eased my mind a bit but I have been getting annoyed by little things like wipes left in diapers. As I counted (yes, I count – gotta make sure my boy isn’t dehydrated), separated, and put the dirty diapers in the laundry each evening, it irritated me to have to collect all the wipes and dispose of them, especially poopy ones. Then she ruined one of our cloth diapers with rash ointment (which I had asked her not to use from day one). Okay, so that was $20 down the drain. Neither of these things, of course, means that she is a poor caregiver, but they are really annoying.
My latest annoyance was the fact that my milk kept getting dumped or spoiled - either because she was giving Jack too much at a time and he wasn’t finishing it (the other day I dumped 2+ ounces down the drain, and I always dump a little each night because she doesn’t rinse his bottle out before sending him home, also annoying). Again, not much to do with how she cares for him but supremely annoying and wasteful, not to mention the difficulty in determining how much he is actually drinking. See? This is why I count diapers.
Everything so far had been just annoying, but could have happened no matter who was watching him. I am a detail-oriented perfectionist, but I try not to judge others by what I would do (I’m not always successful, but I try). I know not many people would be as anal as I am (although I’m sure by now many of you are shaking your heads and saying “Enough already! That’s reason aplenty to dump her!” Don’t ever say I’m not forgiving.).
But here is the nail in the coffin, something I just find unacceptable. She gave Jack popcorn. When I first heard it, I was irritated that he was given such a non-nutritious snack. And then my next thought was: wait, he’s too young for that. That’s not safe, is it? So I googled to confirm my suspicions and yes, Virginia, popcorn is a toddler choking hazard! (And in case you were wondering, he has had quite the digestive difficulty ever since.) She should know that, having the well-being of so many kids in her hands every day.
My blood is boiling. It’s not just a matter of annoyance anymore – I am actually scared to send him to daycare. My decision has been made. NEXT.