Growing Boy

Wow, I just realized I have only written four posts this month.  Crazy!  I don’t even know where all that time went.  I guess I’ll claim to have been sitting and doing a lot of deep thinking!

Jack seems to have gone through a growth spurt.  I didn’t really notice a change in his appearance but I did take note of the increased food consumption.  Suddenly his Medium diapers are on their last snaps and his clothing stash is pretty thin even though I just bought a bunch of summer clothes in June.  He has a few pairs of shoes that suddenly don’t fit him anymore, too.  It’s amazing how quickly toddlers go through stuff!  Of course, this all happens after his birthday party.  Isn’t that how life always goes?

I’ve been meaning to read up some more on toddler nutrition.  We still have Jack drinking whole milk but I do believe at some point we’re supposed to switch to 2% or something.  I am not too worried because Jack is good about regulating his food intake, and he still prefers mama’s milk over what he calls “chocolate milk.”  I haven’t made the switch because I vaguely remember reading an essay on staying with whole milk longer than 2 years.  Nevertheless, I’d better get on that research.  Knowing the answer will relieve my anxiety about the subject!

I was finally able to get Jack to come around on squeezable yogurt!  We found some organic yogurt in tubes and I figured the novelty would renew his interest.  He wasn’t too sure for a while there but over the last few days he has seen the light.  He asked for the yogurt last night and giggled after every sip.  He ate the whole thing.

Where have I been?

Yeah, sorry folks.  I’ve just been so wrapped up in my life…

Jack and I have moved to our new apartment.  Joe is staying with us currently but it looks like he may have found a place to live up in the north bay, much closer to his place of work.  He is possibly starting his move on Monday.

The landscaping at the new place is beautiful, with streams running all along the property and ducks swimming everywhere.  Jack runs to the window a million times a day to look out at the ducks.  He LOVES the ducks.

Jack has been so incredibly amazing every day.  I am so thankful that he is in my life.  His smiling face keeps me afloat.  His daycare provider said to me yesterday, “Jack is always happy!”  He is right – Jack is an incredibly happy kid and I feel lucky to know him.

My greatest joy of late has been hearing Jack mispronounce words.  My favorites are:

“Hey mama, is that what inja says?”  (ninja)
“See the ellacracker?!”  (helicopter)

He seems to be going through a major growth spurt.  He is usually a pretty sparse eater but lately he’s been gobbling everything up.  He eats a cup of cheerios before daycare, then eats a full breakfast once there (Wednesday he ate FOUR pancakes!).  When he gets home he eats two cheese sticks.  Two days ago he finished his plate of beans & couscous.  Yesterday he ate pork loin at lunch like he was starving.  What a nice change!

On the road to weaning

We are somewhat working on weaning.  Well, some say that weaning begins when solids are introduced, but that is not how I think of weaning.  Up until very recently, I have always let Jack call the shots on nursing.  Nursing is an important part of his nutrition as well as his emotional development, and I don’t want to take it away before he is ready.  With that said, I have found breastfeeding to be emotionally difficult for me throughout the duration, and I feel that I am reaching my limit.  I am trying to strike a balance that will work for both Jack and me.

As Jack has shown less interest in nursing and more interest in the world around him, I have begun to test the waters a bit.  I have really made an effort to get on top of solids to ensure that meals are prepared quickly when he gets hungry so that he is less likely to get impatient and decide to nurse instead of eat solids.  Consistency and proactivity about meal and snack times have been key.  Additionally, when he does ask to nurse I try to see if I can offer cow’s milk or water instead, or a hug if it seems that he wants attention.  This has been working really well, with only minimal balking from Jack.

I’ve stepped things up as of late.  Many a morning I have had to leave for work before Jack is up, so we skip our morning nursing session.  Some mornings we run late and although he asks to nurse, I offer him food or water or cow’s milk and he is perfectly content with that (although it surprises me every time!).  I have been attending group therapy directly after work on Thursdays and so we have delayed that post-work nursing session or skipped it in favor of a longer nursing-to-sleep session after I get home.  He has been sleeping so well lately that some days we are down to only one nursing session!

I’m going out of town tonight and I have thought a lot about what will happen while I’m away and when I return.  I know that some kids Jack’s age wean themselves when their mamas travel away for a few days, and I’m prepared for that possibility.  Still, I can’t really see that happening.  It would sure shock the hell out of me.  More likely, the remaining nursing sessions will continue to dwindle away until we cease for good some time in the fall.  That would be just about perfect, in my opinion.

While I’m looking forward to moving on from this stage of our relationship, I know it also signifies that Jack is truly starting to grow up.  That, of course, sends a little pang to my heart.  Nursing or not, Jack will always be my sweet son, my special little guy, my babyman.

Food Update

Since my post last week after his pediatric appointment, Jack has decided that food is the best thing in the world.  Suddenly he is ravenous.  He’ll finish a whole box of raisins in a sitting, eat the corners off all the slices of pizza, and finished off a package of cherry tomatoes in a mere 3 days.  Can we say growth spurt?

He still isn’t drinking much during the day but luckily many of the foods we give him keep him hydrated and he still nurses like a champ when we’re together.  I have no idea what to do to encourage him to drink during the day, as no vessel seems to tempt him.

I like the fact that Jack can now tell us when he’s hungry.  Last night he gestured upward with his hand toward a box of Cheerios and opened and closed his fist while he chanted, “Moremoremore…”  It’s adorable.

Gosh, sometimes it seems these kids like to freak out their parents on purpose.

18 Month Well Baby

I’m not sure why this happens every time we visit the pediatrician, but I forget to ask all of the questions I have saved up.  I even wrote questions down this time and didn’t ask them.  Stage fright, I guess.

Jack is 26 lbs. (he got on the big person scale!) and 32″.  He has dropped percentiles and is now totally average at the 49th (down from the 85th).  Since I forgot to ask about whether a mere 1 pound gain in 6 months was a concern, I sent an email off to the pediatrician when I got to work.  The doctor replied to say that the one pound gain is low and recommended we feed Jack more dairy and legumes.  Nothing I didn’t know there…very helpful, doc.  I can offer, but I can’t make the boy eat.  I particularly like the part where the pediatrician said “his weight is still within normal limits.”  He must have forgotten that the entire growth chart is “normal limits.”  He also suggested giving Jack whole milk…forgetting apparently that breastmilk is whole milk, and also the part where we talked about how Jack won’t drink anything other than a few sips of water (in addition to the 3-4 nursing sessions a day).  Can you tell I’m not impressed with the ped?

We got caught up on immunizations (apparently Kaiser has a more aggressive immunization schedule than our previous pediatrician’s office, so we were “behind”) and it actually wasn’t too bad.  Jack only cried for a minute and then the nurse distracted him with a star sticker.  We refused the chicken pox and flu vaccines.  Being sick with both of those things sucks but it’s not life-threatening.  We will consider chicken pox if he doesn’t catch it before middle school.

Overall I dislike well baby check-ups.  So far they haven’t been helpful at all.  Perhaps that is a sign right there that we are doing just fine on our own.

Back to Normal

Our household is recovered.  Yay!!!  Jack seemed like he would never get well and then BAM!  He’s totally back to normal.

I’m stressing about his food intake, though.  Before he got sick he was hardly drinking any expressed breastmilk during the day, and only sips water.  Now he’s cut out milk completely.  Joe has tried sippies, straws, bottles and none of them seem to persuade him.  That may be okay since I nurse at least 3-4 times each day but he is not eating enough solid foods, either.  The best I can tell, he is getting maybe 400 calories a day from solids.  In total he needs about 1300 calories a day.  I estimate he gets about 400 from me but it’s (obviously) hard to say.  He used to be in the 85 percentiles for height and weight, but has dropped down to about the 30th.

We are visiting his pediatrician next week for his 18 month check up but I’m nervous because this is the first time I don’t feel confident about Jack’s intake.  I don’t have much trust for doctors and this one has never seen us before.  There isn’t anything we could be doing differently, though, so I know I shouldn’t worry so much.  Perhaps it is a phase, or maybe it will get better when he is back at daycare with a real schedule and other kids around encouraging him to do what they are doing.

Other than that, we’re spending our time talking about colors a lot.  With Jack’s recent discovery of crayons, he is fairly obsessed.  It’s not enough, though, to color by himself.  No, he wants to watch US color.  We’ve been pointing out the names of colors (last night we had a lesson about the colors of his diapers) and he’s been adding to his vocabulary.  So far his favorite is definitely yellow.

We’ve also been reading counting books and Jack pretends to count constantly.  It’s pretty damned cute when he randomly says, “two…twee…fah…”  I *think* he is starting to figure out the correct order but it’s hard to say.  Last night I showed him  how to hold  up the number of fingers but that is going to take a ton of practice.

It’s fascinating to me to see how kids learn.  I truly am amazed at how human beings function.  As I was sitting in a meeting at work today, I looked at the presenter and pictured him as a child learning the basics of math.  It was then that it hit me that someday Jack is going to grow up and be an expert on something.  It’s going to be so weird!

Still sick

First off, thank you to those who responded to my last post.  I really, really appreciate your supportive comments.  I closed my eyes when I hit publish because it always freaks me out to write about such a sensitive subject but luckily your replies were all very reassuring!

Now, does anyone have any tips on getting a sick toddler to eat?  We had cut down on breastfeeding a lot in the past few months and we were at about 50/50 with solids.  Jack has refused almost everything (even standard favorites such as cheese, yogurt, toast, blueberries, and bananas) over the past few days.  He won’t drink expressed milk or pedialyte, and is sparing with the water.  He had one solids meal a couple of nights ago when he seemed to be perking up but has since gone downhill.  His diet of the past few days consisted of raisins and crackers, and those in very small amounts – about 5 raisins and 3 crackers at a time.  I wouldn’t worry about it so much but I have to go back to work tomorrow.  He is not likely to eat anything while I’m there.

So yeah, we’re still sick.  Joe got better, I got worse, and Jack has been miserable fairly steadily.  This illness is eerily reminiscent of the RSV we dealt with a year ago.  At least Jack isn’t puking everything up this time around.

Send healing vibes our way, please!

This is the only bite of this cracker he took.

Toddler Feeding Breakthrough

One of the coolest developments over the last week has been Jack’s consumption of real food.  Not only have we stepped up our effort to offer him well-rounded meals, but I noticed he had taken a liking to utensils.  I gave him a real spoon but he kept trying to stab the food and dropped most things on the way to his mouth.  I then handed him a fork, shoving aside my nerves at the prospect of giving him something with pokey tines, and he went to town!

Since introduction of the fork, Jack has been consuming three square meals a day with no problems whatsoever!  Even the foods that he didn’t seem to like (such as eggs) have gained favor.  It’s amazing how such a simple thing can make such a huge difference!

What is Jack doing lately?

When Jack turned one I stopped doing the monthly updates.  I have noticed a similar phenomenon around the internet – as soon as the blogger’s kid becomes a toddler, there is a lack of updates.  I wondered about this for a long time and then it became a reality for me, as well.  Toddlers are BUSY!  They are always moving, and they really demand attention (with words!).  And as soon as I sit down in front of the computer Jack’s little hand reaches up and pounds on the keys.  He loves the computer as much as I do!

So I must apologize to my readers for not sharing more in the way of developmental milestones with Jack.  It’s basically more of the same, but more intense.  The number of new words Jack says every day is astonishing.  I can no longer keep track of what he knows in that department.  He understands even more; when we ask him to get a specific book to read, more times than not he knows what we’re asking.  He is starting to learn his colors, as well.  It seems there are a lot of things he would pick up very quickly if we thought to teach those things to him.  I am starting to understand why some kids start preschool so early.

Our struggles right now are sleep and food.  As always.  Aren’t those two things the bain of every parent’s existence?  Sleep is actually not that bad; it’s just different.  He knows when it’s bed time but he’s still trying to figure out the best way to get to sleep.  Nursing doesn’t work most nights anymore, so bedtime is now a team effort.  This usually means we go through our bedtime routine (nighttime diaper, pjs, toothbrushing, sometimes a book), nurse a bit, and then if he is not falling asleep with me Joe steps in to lay down with him until Jack squirms himself to sleep.  The whole process from start to finish is probably 45 minutes or so.  Not too bad.  Things have been a bit interrupted by some canine’s coming in, but it’s still better than the first year of his life.  Of course, the 18 month sleep regression is around the corner.  Perhaps this chaotic sleep is an indication that it has already started, or perhaps things are about to get much, much worse.

As far as food goes, I have gotten in the habit of offering food often and I don’t get bent out of shape if Jack refuses.  Joe is having more trouble with this, and I am frustrated by that.  Right now the internal struggle is: do I just do it myself (preparing food, writing “instructions”), or do I push Joe to figure it out?  I am unsure how to approach this without causing some hurt feelings.  Changes do have to be made, though, because Jack and I are ready to move away from the breastmilk reliance.

Next week is the last week Jack is at his current daycare.  We decided to wait it out rather than switching Jack for a few short weeks, and it hasn’t been too bad since various life happenings have resulted in only 1-2 days per week there.  There are moments when I really want to throttle the daycare provider (like the day Jack was sent home with damp clothes from a milk spill that she didn’t even notice and he stank of sour milk – she is freaking oblivious!) but with only a few days left until Joe’s seasonal furlough, the end is in sight.  Then we start the process all over again with a new, and hopefully better, situation in February.

I haven’t read a parenting book in quite a while.  I am walking blindly forward and for once I’m not completely freaked out by that (I really like the toddler phase!).  Anyone want to clue me in on what I can look forward to in the coming months?  Or suggest a nice book for toddler rearing?

[Lastly - I am off to Seattle in a few hours for the weekend.  You may not hear from me until next week!]

In honor of the holiday, a post about food

I’ve been enjoying my time off this week, and Jack has been kind enough to let me sleep in until 9 or 10 the last few days!  Of all the things he could do to show me he cares, that is the best!

Jack has perhaps been inspired by the spirit of Thanksgiving because he has been eating really well.  We were able to find several items to keep on hand to make the solid foods thing much easier: YoBaby yogurt with cereal added, chicken nuggets, turkey dogs, string cheese, and fresh packaged sweet potatoes and butternut squash – all organic.  Additionally, cheerios and Honey Crisp apples make for great snacks.  (We prefer the Honey Crisp apples because they aren’t as dense as other apples, making them easier to chew.  The peel is a bit dense and waxy, though, so we peel them for Jack.  We also slice them because otherwise he will stick a whole wedge in his mouth!)  I often feed him whatever we’re eating, except at dinner time because generally we don’t eat until he is already in bed.

We are cutting down on breastfeeding quite a bit.  To keep Jack hydrated, I have three different water containers (a straw sippy, a more traditional sippy but made by Born Free, and a Sigg water bottle) that we place in strategic locations around the house.  He loves the Sigg water bottle (with the puppy on it!) the best and will carry it with him out the door wherever we go.  Yay!

Overall, I’m feeling more confident about Jack’s nutrition.  It’s not perfect but we are working on it.  That’s all we can do!

Daycare, and an in-depth view into my brain

I have never felt comfortable making decisions based upon emotion.  Sure, I listen to my feelings to get me to act, but first I gather the evidence, analyze the information and then I am able to explain the issue and reason for acting.  I usually try to give people/situations the benefit of the doubt because I understand that I can’t know all of the details.  I assume I don’t have all of the information and try to incorporate a margin for error.  I know this isn’t a perfect process but it works for me in most cases.

I have gone over the details of the daycare situation in my head over and over but could not come to a definitive decision.  Many people would default to their instinct in a situation like this but, like I said, I try not to make decisions based on feeling.  My husband is the one who is good with the feelings and so I generally use his feelings and my analysis when making decisions regarding Jack (if you are a sufferer of chronic depression, perhaps you understand why I choose to do this).  His feelings were telling him everything was okay at daycare, while my analysis was saying there might be a problem.  This left us in a holding pattern, so I deferred because I know I tend to be a little, um, harsh and judgmental.

Jack has this week seemed to settle into daycare.  He no longer cries when Joe drops him off or picks him up.  That eased my mind a bit but I have been getting annoyed by little things like wipes left in diapers.  As I counted (yes, I count – gotta make sure my boy isn’t dehydrated), separated, and put the dirty diapers in the laundry each evening, it irritated me to have to collect all the wipes and dispose of them, especially poopy ones.  Then she ruined one of our cloth diapers with rash ointment (which I had asked her not to use from day one).  Okay, so that was $20 down the drain.  Neither of these things, of course, means that she is a poor caregiver, but they are really annoying.

My latest annoyance was the fact that my milk kept getting dumped or spoiled - either because she was giving Jack too much at a time and he wasn’t finishing it (the other day I dumped 2+ ounces down the drain, and I always dump a little each night because she doesn’t rinse his bottle out before sending him home, also annoying).  Again, not much to do with how she cares for him but supremely annoying and wasteful, not to mention the difficulty in determining how much he is actually drinking.  See?  This is why I count diapers.

Everything so far had been just annoying, but could have happened no matter who was watching him.  I am a detail-oriented perfectionist, but I try not to judge others by what I would do (I’m not always successful, but I try).  I know not many people would be as anal as I am (although I’m sure by now many of you are shaking your heads and saying “Enough already!  That’s reason aplenty to dump her!”  Don’t ever say I’m not forgiving.).

But here is the nail in the coffin, something I just find unacceptable.  She gave Jack popcorn.  When I first heard it, I was irritated that he was given such a non-nutritious snack.  And then my next thought was: wait, he’s too young for that.  That’s not safe, is it?  So I googled to confirm my suspicions and yes, Virginia, popcorn is a toddler choking hazard!  (And in case you were wondering, he has had quite the digestive difficulty ever since.)  She should know that, having the well-being of so many kids in her hands every day.

My blood is boiling.  It’s not just a matter of annoyance anymore – I am actually scared to send him to daycare.  My decision has been made.  NEXT.

I want to be done

As I alluded to in my previous post, I’ve been feeling the itch.  The itch to stop breastfeeding.  An itch that is more than an itch really – more of a clawing feeling from deep inside that makes me want to jump over the balcony whenever I’m breastfeeding.  This doesn’t happen while pumping, most likely because the pump does not do acrobatics on my lap.  The pump doesn’t stop after five minutes to fidget and smile and pinch and point at the cat and then freak out if I try to put the boob away and continue this behavior for a good fifteen minutes or until I can’t stand it anymore and decide enough is ENOUGH and go eat some cheerios.

Also, I’ve been pumping less and less milk.  I had to add a third session into my routine during the day to get back up to 10 ounces output.  Jack eats some snacks and sometimes eats lunch and/or dinner, but about 60-75% of what he consumes is still breastmilk.  I haven’t been paying attention and when I finally looked up “when can I stop pumping?” I found out that most moms stop around a year.  Well, gee, that’s great.  How the hell do I do that?  Answer: I can’t quite yet.  Not while Jack is not eating much in the way of solids.

I am happy to continue breastfeeding a couple times a day for the next year, but I feel the need to have my body back, as well.  I have touch issues and they have not gone away since giving birth to Jack.  I have fought them for nearly 15 months now, and luckily Jack nurses for 10-15 minutes tops each session.  But even that is wearing on me these days.  See “clawing” above – it’s like I’m back in month one!  I’d like Jack to cut back.

So I’m trying to make sure we are good about offering solids and I’m setting a goal to stop pumping (or at least cut down to one session) by 18 months.  That’s three months away which seems pretty close when I think about it.  Ugh.  I feel so clueless.  The information on weaning is totally lacking, in my opinion.  I’ve read LLL, I’ve got books, and I’ve googled.  Either the information is crap or I’m a novice googler.

So if you’re out there and reading this and have been in this place, please give me your feedback.  Explicit instructions are always good, and I love to read research.  My sanity will thank you.

Food Update

Jack is eating a ton of solids these days.  I still feel like I’m fumbling in the dark, so I have taken the stance of, “I will offer and let him self-regulate.”  I hope it works out.  So far I haven’t found any useful (or dumbed-down) information on toddler nutrition so I give up.  I think this is one area where I am just going to be less informed that I’d like (feel free to throw links at me if you have ‘em).

Anyway, we have found that Jack will eat solids when we are eating.  Also, he prefers to feed himself but he will allow me to feed him some of the messier foods like yogurt.  He’ll eat just about anything, too.  I have been surprised by his willingness to eat grilled onions and roasted garlic.  Since he’s over a year we’ve been slowly introducing some of the allergenic foods and so far he doesn’t have a problem with edamame (soy beans), tomatoes, or oranges.  He even likes them!

We are still working on getting veggies into his diet.  I’ve tried giving him zucchini and that is definitely something he doesn’t like.  The move and subsequent activities have made it difficult to get a food preparation routine down, but I plan to steam large amounts of vegetables once a week, freeze them, and then try to feed them to him for dinner throughout the week.  I’d also like to try V8 juice or something.  He does like beets and carrots but I think those are the only vegetables he’ll go for so far other than the onions.

Oh, and Jack has discovered the wonderment that is Cheerios!  I bought a box this weekend because I’d like to stop buying the Gerber puffy snacks and this is definitely going to be an easy transition.  Every time Jack sees the box he about falls over with excitement.  Who knew plain oat cereal would be such a hit?

I am contemplating putting my pump into semi-retirement and just breastfeeding in the mornings and evenings.  My supply has been dwindling anyway and Jack is at an age where he can start drinking other things.  I haven’t thought it through completely but it sure would be nice not to lug the pump around anymore!

Not Eczema

We took Jack to the pediatrician yesterday to get his skin checked out.  The good news: he doesn’t have eczema.  The NP said his skin is probably just irritated from the bubble bath we use.  I thought all this time that the bubble bath was fine since it’s herbal/not chemical but I guess I was wrong.  We ran out of the bubble bath recently anyway so we’ll see if his skin recovers without its use.  I’ve been applying aquaphor after baths for quite some time but it doesn’t seem to be helping; I just bought some Eucerin lotion to add to our routine.  The NP had no other useful suggestions but she did give me samples of things I won’t use.  Anyone need some Boudreaux’s Butt Paste samples (can’t be used with cloth)?

I’d like to take a moment to complain about our pediatrician’s office.  I have had issues with them in the past giving me wrong information about breastfeeding, and yesterday this NP straight out lied to me when I asked her if we could test him for food allergies (she said such a test does not exist).  She is probably right about the bubble bath being problematic, but it is extremely difficult to trust anything these people say when they lie and give out incorrect information.  Not only that, but I am always treated like I am worrying about nothing and shouldn’t even be there.  Pricks.

The pediatrician’s office also notified us that they are moving to the next town north, which is completely inconvenient.  We will most likely start going to a different pediatrician now (which we have avoided doing up until now because our current office is next door to us, and the nurse who administers immunizations rocks).  There is an office close to my work and their doctors come highly recommended, so hopefully we will have a better experience there.

For now, we are avoiding everything in the legume family (unfortunately, that includes soy), but it seems Jack is okay with dairy and wheat (although I’m still being cautious).

I had the NP weigh Jack since I was figuring he was getting too big for the infant carrier his daycare provider uses, and yup!  He is 25 lbs!  Gosh!

More on food

We went to B&N this weekend and spent a ridiculous amount of money on books. I normally do not step foot in a book store for this reason because I cannot help myself when it comes to the printed word. I won’t even tell you how many blogs I have bookmarked!

I finally got a couple of reference books on solids. Our Dr. Sears collection has now expanded to include The Nutrition Book. While I don’t always enjoy their style of writing, there is great content and they know their stuff.

The second book I bought was First Meals by Annabel Karmel. For those of you familiar with the DK travel books, this is a different genre for the publishers but consistent with their usual style. The book has a simple, straight-forward explanation of nutrition and how to offer a balanced diet, quite a few recipes that can be adapted and aren’t too complicated, and a beautiful presentation. While the suggested age ranges for introducing particular foods is off (e.g. cow’s milk prior to 12 months), the informed parent can work around it.  (Note: I’m pretty anal about introducing foods at the suggested times; I like to play it safe and try to avoid allergy issues as much as possible.)  Mostly I just like the variety of food suggestions because I’d like to move out of my America-centric box.

By the way, Jack has suddenly gotten crazy over solids. He’s been eating half jars at daycare and I’ve now started offering food in the morning and evening, as well. He is totally digging it. It’s like a switch was flipped! Must be a growth spurt or something.