Multiple personalities

A lot of parents worry that their children won’t do XYZ when they go to daycare because of how they do things at home.  I’ve heard (and sometimes shared) concerns about sleeping and eating habits.  But here is the reality: kids are better behaved at daycare.  I don’t know if it’s the herd mentality or the fact that at home he feels the need to assert his independence, but it’s pretty amazing the things Jack will do at daycare without any fuss at all.

• At home Jack runs from me when it’s diaper changing time, but at daycare he will lay down when the other kids are getting diapers changed and demand that his be changed, as well, wet or not!
• Jack fights sleep at home (unless he is *really* tired) and has very strict policies about being in his bed with only a sheet covering him.  Also, Mom must lay down with him and we can’t forget to read at least three books.  At daycare, he will ask to take a nap and lay down on the floor with toys clutched to his chest.  He rarely sleeps less than 2 hours and no snuggling or reading is necessary.
• Many a day Jack has bemoaned going to daycare, claiming that he does not want to see his friends, and then when we get there he lights up and runs off to play without giving me a second thought.
• Shoes are always a struggle.  You may all remember that I had to buy the same exact style of See Kai Run shoes in the next size up and hide the fact that they were new from Jack.  I have many other pairs of shoes for Jack, as well, which he will not wear at home but will wear at daycare.
• Jack favors cucumbers and apples and cheese at home.  At daycare he prefers corn and carrots and pasta.
• When I dance or sing at home he tells me to stop with a glare.  At daycare he is the star of the dancing/singing show!

What can you add?

Another Crazy Daycare Story

The move to San Francisco went really smoothly and for the most part we are settled into our new house and routine.  I think we did a great job of unpacking and making the place ours because Jack didn’t even seem to notice we moved. 

The only major adjustment issue was daycare (OF COURSE!).  The new place did not work out nearly as well as I had hoped and the whole situation has left me a little bewildered.  I thought I had completed the due diligence but I guess there is only so much you can tell about a person in an hour…I did not foresee that F, the provider, would want to be paid under the table or that I would pick Jack up after 8 hours and see that he had only had one diaper change all day.  I got really worried during week three when I noticed he was not settling in and still cried when I dropped him off, not to mention a lack of napping during those three weeks (he napped a total of three times, never more than 30 minutes).  I dropped him off shaking one day (I cried on the way to work) and the next day she handed my check back to me and asked for tuition in cash.  Between the shaking that I couldn’t get over and the request for cash, I decided to search for a new daycare.  That is when I saw that despite telling me in the initial interview that Jack would take the last daycare spot, F was advertising on craigslist that she had two more spots open.  SHEESH.

The next day I visited two daycares, both located within five minutes of our new location.  The second daycare, run by G, was one I had nearly visited the first time around but didn’t because I didn’t hear from the provider until after I enrolled Jack at F‘s.  G‘s place was AMAZING and Jack ran around the entire time playing and even interacted with her, trusting her enough to hand her the rocket he built.  Two days later I gave our 2 weeks notice to F and asked for a partial refund on tuition for that month (which I needed because the new place was twice the cost).

Fast foward to five days later…I was running late and called F to ask if it was okay to bring Jack later than usual.  The line was disconnected.  Yikes.  No way was I going to drop Jack off there when I couldn’t get in touch with her, especially after everything else that had happened.  Jack stayed home with David that day and I called G to ask if Jack could start right away.  She said yes and Jack started the next day (last Thursday).  He took a two hour nap that first day and also the next.  He hasn’t been clinging to me in the evenings when I pick him up – instead he hides behind a curtain hoping to stay at daycare but is still content when I drag him out the door.  Huge difference!  Not only that, but because he is happier, I am happier and not filled with anxiety every morning.

As for F, I emailed her and she did call me and said she didn’t know what was going on with her phone but promised to call me that night.  I was not surprised when she didn’t call.  I could ask for my money back again but I doubt I’d get it.  I am sucking it up – the $1700 total cost of daycare for March.  It’s really hard, but I am doing it.  The new place is expensive (about $500 more than what I was paying in Alameda) but worth every freaking penny.  It’s huge, the provider and other kids are wonderful, the provider is extremely organized and in the last four years of running her daycare has never taken a sick day, they take trips to the park nearly every day, and her sister runs a daycare right next door.  Big bonus – it is only 5 minutes away from our house.

I’m hopeful, so very hopeful, that this is the last daycare I ever enroll my child in.  That poor child has been in the care of WAY too many providers in his 2.5 years.  I am glad the stories I have to tell aren’t full of real horror (thankfully Jack has never been in danger), but the bad daycare experiences have been way too many in number.  If the good experiences weren’t so amazing, I would have thought more about being a welfare mom a long time ago!

Moving to the city

We are moving and moving means changing daycares…  Yeah, I know; you don’t have to say it.  I know I’m crazy!  But, really, this is going to be an awesome change for us.  It will mean that I won’t be spending time on commuting an hour to get to the daycare before it closes (at 5!) when I should be working a full 8 hour day.  Also, a shorter commute (half of what it is now) means more time with Jack.  Our rent will be less and we’ll have a washer and dryer in the house.  We will have a backyard where Jack can run around!  We’ll have lots of families for neighbors.  We’ll live about a block from a park.  Best of all, I think, is that the time we spend driving to San Rafael to get Jack to Joe will be 15 minutes each way instead of 45-60!  Woo hoo!

I looked at daycares last week and hit the freaking jackpot.  The first place I visited was decent, but it didn’t feel like THE PLACE.  It was small, a bit pricey, and brand new (meaning Jack would be the first kid enrolled).   The provider was sweet and the place would have worked, but I didn’t like it as much as I like his current daycare.  I went into the second place with low expectations because all I know about the place was that it was extremely affordable and a little further than I thought I’d want to go.  But the drive to the place was a breeze and as soon as I walked in I felt at ease.  The provider is Brazilian, just as his current providers are.  She also has a similar menu and schedule as the current daycare.  Jack will get to continue his Portuguese education!  The number of kids in her care is small and she has a helper doing dishes and cooking meals, so the attention factor is high.  The vibe was perfect, so I took the spot and we went back Saturday to introduce Jack to the provider.  That went well, so the deal was sealed!

So far this move is coming together nicely.  This is the easiest time I’ve ever had finding a place we will love to live and also a daycare that we will be happy with (I am of course hoping that a similar environment and a warm-up period will make for an easier transition).  I think the most amazing part is that we are moving into the CITY and yet our rent and daycare costs will decrease.

I’m excited!

Life is measured by details

One of the things about the separation that I haven’t totally worked out is this: I will become responsible for both daycare pick-up and drop-off.  At first I thought I could just work longer hours on Mondays and Tuesdays (Joe’s current days off, when he has Jack) but as of mid-September, Joe will have a different job and schedule that gives him Sundays and Mondays off.  In order for me to get Jack to daycare and drop him off, that means I would have to cram an extra 2 hours onto Mondays to make up for the time I’m taking off the rest of the week.  Daycare has strict hours and it takes me an hour to get to/from work.  Also, Jack is currently enrolled 3 days a week, so I HOPE that they can take him on Tuesdays.  Fingers crossed.

Somehow, I know it will work out.  Things usually do.  It’s just a bit anxiety-inducing in the mean time.

From the land of cute – last night as we were heading to bed, I told Jack to say goodnight to his grandma.  “Nigh-night, Grandma!”  Then he added,  “I love you, Grandma!”  Awwwww.  Love those unprompted expressions of emotion!

Daycare Transition Revisited

Daycare is going so well now.  Jack is firmly settled in and each morning when we drop him off he dashes out of our arms to play with the other kids.  He no longer even says goodbye!  Two days ago we got an opportunity to observe everyone on their way to the park and Jack’s face was totally lit up.  It was so wonderful to see.

Of course I feel a little twinge when he completely forgets about me the moment the providers open their front door, but mostly I am just thrilled that we have found such wonderful people to care for our son while we’re at work.  He is clearly thriving and this transition has really shown me that my feelings about the previous daycare were spot on.  This experience has taught me that I *do* have instincts.  Thank goodness I listened to them!

And even though he doesn’t say goodbye, he is always ecstatic to see us when we pick him up. 

I’m over here trying to relax

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday!  I was just plain lazy, I think.  I am also fighting off a cold that doesn’t want to go away.  It is all in my chest and it’s bugging the heck out of me.

Jack’s training potty arrived yesterday and I set it up in the bathroom.  He thought it was interesting and enjoyed playing with it but he was not sure what the heck I was trying to do when I sat him on it.  I didn’t expect he would sit right on it and go, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to introduce the idea.  I realized I need to get some diapers that are more conducive to potty learning.  Right now we mostly use FuzziBunz but Jack cannot undo the snaps (which is usually a good thing) and they pull down well without unsnapping.  Anyone have any ideas?  I think I’ll also get a book for him to read about going to the potty.  Not my favorite subject to read about, but Jack loves the book learnin’.

Daycare seems to be going well.  Drop-off is getting easier and Jack is always happy when we pick him up.  He eats well (he loves beans, apparently) and sleeps well there.  He has started learning some Portuguese and even some sign language (his favorite word these days is “more” and he can say it in English, Portuguese, and sign).  The last two days he has played in the sand box, so he comes home covered in sand.  I am not totally happy with that but I know he is having fun.  (It’s just so difficult to get sand out of his hair!)  After all the trouble we went through with finding good daycare, it’s such a relief to have something great that is right down the street.  Yesterday we strolled home in the sunshine.  The only thing is that now we can’t ever move!

Overall things are pretty mellow right now and I’m loving it.  With all the ups and downs over the last year, it’s nice to sit back and relax a bit until the next wave of activity begins.

One of those mornings

The last two nights Jack has slept pretty poorly, and then this morning was kind of a disaster.  Joe is working on the peninsula today and tomorrow, which means an early departure and the morning drop-off is left to me.  Last night Jack went to bed late and he didn’t take it well when I woke him up at 7:15 this morning (bedtime was close to 10pm last night!).  He cried, thrashed while I tried to dress him, and said “No!” over and over when I put his shoes on.  No way was I able to get a coat on him.  He did cheer up a bit when his monkey puppet (which he only took a liking to when Curious George came into his life) hugged and “hoo hoo ha ha’ed” at  him, so I was able to get him out of the door and down the hall to the elevator.

As I was waiting for the elevator that goes to the garage and holding Jack, I felt warmth spread against my hip and his jeans under my hand grew damp (apparently a Swaddlebees can’t hold a toddler’s first morning pee despite the hemp insert, either that or it was wicking which does not bear thinking!).  I quickly set him down so that his diaper didn’t leak all over my work clothes, but had no time to run back to the apartment to change him because I was on a tight schedule to catch my carpool.  Off to daycare we went, and I had to once again wrestle to get him out of the wet diaper and pants and into a fresh set, all while he was thrashing and crying because he knew I’d soon be leaving him.  I was completely shaken by the time I bolted out the door to get to the carpool meeting place because I freak when I can’t soothe my baby’s crying.  Thank goodness his daycare providers are so good with him and completely understanding of rough transitions!

Coincidentally, the carpool was running a tad late.  At least I got time to settle my nerves.

So yeah, it was one of those mornings…generally I try to let Jack wake up on his own and I allow plenty of time for nursing and breakfast because he tends to be in a better mood when those things occur prior to daycare drop-off.  None of that was happening this morning, though.  *sigh*

Daycare transition

Trasitioning to a new daycare is tough.  It doesn’t matter how great the daycare is.  In the early days it was easier but only because Jack couldn’t communicate and slept a lot more.  He nursed a lot after I picked him up but that was it.  These days, not only does he nurse more but he is extremely emotional and has to be in constant contact with Joe or me when we get home.

Last night we got nothing done.  Jack threw several tantrums when:

• I put the stroller away when he wanted to climb on it
• we made him lay still while I changed his diaper
• I set him down because he wouldn’t stop wiggling on my lap
• I tried to keep him in bed to go to sleep
• Joe put his new markers (the magic kind that only color on special paper – thanks, Grandma Darla!) away because he was sucking on the tip

Those are the only ones I can remember but I am sure there were more.  Jack has this nasty habit of banging his head when he is tired or upset and he did it several times last night, leaving a red mark on his forehead.  In reading my child development book I learned that this is not uncommon and most head-bangers have increased sensitivity, musical ability, and even intelligence.  Weird!

We went to bed at 9 last night (although I tried to get Jack in bed multiple times before that because he was obviously exhausted).  Our apartment is a mess, we still haven’t unpacked, and we are dangerously close to running out of clean diapers but it sure felt good to go to sleep early.

So, the new daycare transition is going as well as can be expected.  The first day was rough, with Jack crying a bit and refusing to eat anything other than goldfish crackers, but the second day went much more smoothly with smiles and more eating.  The boy loves corn apparently (at home he only plays with it).  He managed to nap well both days so far, as well.

I’m really hoping that we can stay with this daycare for years.  This is Jack’s fifth daycare in 18 months and it surely has been an emotional roller coaster.  I have my fingers crossed that this is the last transition he has to make until preschool, at least.

New Daycare Anxiety

Jack started his new daycare today.  I left for work before he was even awake, and Joe dropped him off.  I have been guarding my cell phone all day in case something were to go wrong but it’s been silent.  I know I can call and check to see how he is doing, but I have always resisted doing that.  I think it’s my own peculiar way of staying focused on work at work (uh, blogging aside) so that I don’t miss him so much during the day.

I wish I were the one picking Jack up today!  I am dying to hear what/how he ate, whether he napped, and if he cried when Joe left.  I want to know that everything was just fine so that I can relax and stop worrying that maybe we’ll have to find another daycare!  There is no reason to think that this one won’t be great but we have been burned so many times that it’s hard not to worry.  I am counting down the time until I get home to see my little boy!

(Full update tomorrow on our trip.  It went very smoothly!)

Settled

Joe interviewed a daycare provider on Friday and called me (which is amazing in itself because he never calls me) at work to tell me how ecstatic he was.  He was downright bubbly!  He emphatically told the daycare YES with the caveat that I would also have to meet them and approve of the place.

The providers were kind enough to meet with us on Saturday afternoon and we spent a good hour there talking and touring the house.  I was very much at ease and the daycare provider answered most of my questions before I even asked them.  Jack did not hesitate to play with all of the toys and interacted with the providers and their son as if he had known them for years.

The location is fabulous – right down the street from our apartment and along my bus route.  The providers are a Brazilian couple who emigrated here twenty years ago.  They started the daycare so that they could stay home with their two sons who are now 9 and 3.  Portuguese and English are spoken in the home, so Jack will learn a little bit of a second language.  Not only is the food home-cooked and focused on vegetables and non-meat sources of protein, but a weekly menu is posted for the parents to see.  That may sound not sound like anything amazing but I am a person who craves details!

It is absolutely settled.  Jack has daycare!  I am so excited for him to get to know these wonderful people and be in their care.  He will love it because they are going to care for him just as we would.  That is all I ever wanted.

Daycare Struggles

We are fully immersed in the daycare search again.  Things don’t look good so far.  I have been scouring the internet and local parenting groups for information on openings in my town and I even put in a request through my work’s employee assistance program to help us.  All of this has yielded only two possible daycare options (and we are waiting for one of them to call us back).  Obviously, we only need one but I don’t like the odds here.

We did find a seemingly great daycare a few weeks ago, and then we all got sick and someone else scooped up the spot while we sat at home shivering in our sweaters.  There was another option that came up but the hours didn’t work out and even if they had I was too nervous about the woman’s attitude toward potty training (she was SURE Jack would be potty trained in a matter of weeks and she had not even met us yet!).  Yikes.

I thought that finding daycare for an infant was hard.  And in general it is harder since there are strict quotas for the number of infants in a daycare.  For some reason, though, the openings we are seeing are for kids under 18 months.  It’s just our luck that whatever type of care we are looking for is exactly the type that is in short supply.  Somehow I thought this would be less of a problem in a more highly-populated area but right about now Humboldt is looking a little better.

Joe is visiting a daycare today, so keep your fingers crossed for us!

Guide to Your Kid

When we first sent Jack to daycare, I wrote up a one-page “guide” describing how to care for him.  I figured this would be great to have around because the daycare provider might not remember everything we told her and we could keep it on hand for the occcasional babysitter.  It has worked pretty well for us, I have to say.  If you are as neurotic as I am, and happen to need a quick write-up for a caregiver, perhaps you will find it helpful, as well!

I updated this version when Jack was about 7 months old.

Jack R. born 7/13/06
Mom: Crystal, cell # xxx-xxxx
Dad: Joe, cell # xxx-xxxx
Pediatrician: Dr. H, xxx-xxxx

Food:  Jack eats primarily breastmilk.  He is fed on demand with a bottle.  In general, he will take a two-ounce bottle every two hours, and he will usually take his first bottle right before his first nap (9ish).  He should sit fairly upright while being fed, and be burped after each feeding.  (Note: please swirl breastmilk to mix – do not shake.  Submerge bottle in hot water to warm.)  If he still seems hungry after 2 ounces, you can offer him more 0.5 ounces at a time.  It is rare for him to eat more than 3 ounces at a time.

Sleep:  Jack usually takes naps two times during the day.  His morning nap is around 9 or 9:30, and his afternoon nap is about 3 hours after he wakes from his morning nap.  It is not unusual for him to throw a third nap in during the day, as well.

He shows the classic signs of being tired: rubbing eyes, yawning, fussing.  Also, redness around his eyes are a sure sign that he is ready to sleep.

Jack gets “bounced/swayed” to sleep while lying sideways in our arms, pacifier in mouth, and usually while being “shhhed.”  He is used to sleeping on the bed with covers pulled to his waist.  He also sleeps with a fan on at home for white noise but can sleep without it.  It usually takes about 15 minutes to get him down to sleep.  If his eyelids don’t look heavy after about 5 minutes, you might want to wait twenty or so minutes before trying again.

Soothing:  Shhhing, swaying, sucking on a pacifier, a dark and quiet room, being held in an infant carrier – all of these things help calm Jack down.  He can often be distracted from fussiness by funny noises, raspberries on the belly, or toys that make noise.

Development:  Jack can reach for things, and likes to lunge to grab things he is interested in.  He can sit without support, roll over freely and “creep” occasionally.  He loves to sit in a bumbo chair or high chair. 

Jack is teething and we deal with this in a variety of ways.  We offer things for him to chew on, administer teething tablets or Orajel, hold him and hug him, and if he seems to be especially fussy and those methods are not effective, we administer pain reliever.

Kangaroo Care and Babywearing

When I was pregnant and going through the onerous task of registering for baby gear, I asked Joe if he had any special requests.  He had no desire to be part of the gear registry for the most part but, to my astonishment, he did ask for a Baby Bjorn.  I had no idea he even knew what that was!  I added it to the registry and our good friend Sabrina ended up buying it for us.

We also received a Snugli as an off-the-registry gift from a family friend.  We decided that the BB would be Joe’s and the Snugli would be mine; that way, we wouldn’t have to worry about readjusting the straps all the time (as Joe is 8″ taller than me and weighs twice what I do).  This turned out to be a very good decision, as adjusting the Snugli was a major pain in the ass.  There are a million straps, it seems.

Parents of premature or children with low birth weight are often advised to practice kangaroo care (or skin-to-skin contact) as it has been shown to help regulate heart rate, temperature, and breathing.  Kangaroo care has also been known to improve the breastfeeding relationship, infant sleep, weight gain, and overall mood.  Having read about the benefits of kangaroo care prior to giving birth, I made sure to mention it in my birth plan wishes.  When Jack was born blue, with his umbilical cord wrapped around him three times, he was placed naked against my chest while receiving oxygen and quickly regained his color and his breathing recovered.  Joe also practiced skin-to-skin in the hospital when Jack’s body temperature tanked after a bath, and we have used the method at home many times.  Kangaroo care is not just for preemies!

After seeing first hand how kangaroo care can help in caring for newborns, we were even more excited about babywearing.  Since Jack was so big (8 lbs 10 oz) when he was born and had such great head control, he was able to go into the carriers within a week (at which point he weighed 9.5 lbs).  As most people with newborns know, babies like to be held a lot.  I’m sure most parents have numerous photos of their newborns sleeping on their chests.  In Jack’s case, he simply would not stand for sleeping more than 5 minutes anywhere but in our arms.  We tried the swing, the Pack N Play basinette, the bouncer and he would have none of it.  This is one of the reasons we started co-sleeping at night.  During the day, we made good use of the baby carrier.

Joe is a hiker, so in his pre-baby daydreams, he saw himself exploring nature with Jack.  This has worked really well because when everything else fails to soothe Jack to sleep, a nice long walk works almost every single time.

I did a lot of babywearing, as well.  The carriers have enabled me to get out of the house while preventing Jack from having a meltdown.  Additionally, I really enjoy having my boy zonked out while snuggling up to my chest.  Since Jack gained weight so rapidly, though, the Snugli didn’t work well for us – it soon became a huge burden on my shoulders and back (a common complaint with both the Snugli and the Baby Bjorn).  I had heard good things about the Ergo, as it had been touted as being more comfortable and healthier for the developing child’s hips and spine, and I got the chance to try one when I visited Jen in Oregon.  Soon after that trip, my sister asked if there was anything we needed and graciously bought us the Ergo as a gift.  It was an immediately improvement over the Snugli for me, as Jack’s weight was distributed more evenly with the pull being more on the hips, and the stress was removed from my back.  My center of gravity was corrected!  Also, the Ergo has less buckles than the Snugli and there was nothing sitting between Jack and my chest, which meant I could nurse with it on.  Yay!

Joe stuck with the Baby Bjorn until Jack reached 22 lbs. and outgrew it.  Bonus of the Ergo: it lasts until 40 lbs!

Jack’s daycare provider in Humboldt used the Ergo, as well.  Jack has been pretty good at daycare but she said she noticed a huge improvement in fussiness when she started wearing him.  Not only that, but he was always extremely happy to go to daycare and I believe this is because he was getting the closeness that he desired even when the daycare provider had to focus on the other children in her care.

Needless to say, I’m a huge proponent of kangaroo care and babywearing.  I especially love it as a great way for the baby to bond with the non-breastfeeding parent.  I know there are many times when Joe has felt frustration at not being able to calm Jack with breastfeeding as I do, and the baby carrier is a nice substitute.  Plus, when my magical breasts do not do the trick, Joe can strap Jack into the Ergo and take a walk, giving me a little space!

I highly recommend that every parent utilize the benefits of kangaroo care and baby wearning and get a baby carrier.  You may have to try a few different types to see what works for you and your baby.  Some parents prefer slings over a backpack-type carrier, for instance, and there are certainly benefits to having a variety of carriers to choose from in any situation.