Hair for moms

I snuck out to the hair salon on Sunday.  It had been a somewhat frustrating day with Jack refusing to nap (he went the whole day without napping!), and at one point I just decided I need to get out.  I called up the salon and within 10 minutes they were chopping away at my hair.

The thing is, I was not prepared ahead of time.  I had no pictures of what I wanted and my hair had not been cut in a year, so there was no recognizable style for the stylist to touch up.  I did my best to describe what I wanted and she assured me she knew what I had in mind.  I sat back, relaxed, chatted about my little boy, and entrusted her with my hair.  Perhaps I should have talked less about my kid, ’cause in the end I got Mom Hair.

The stylist did a good job considering that I had no picture and basically told her “I want it this length with fringed ends, layered a little bit.”  Yeah, that can mean so many things…so she just missed the mark.  And not only is it Mom Hair, but it’s shaped a bit like a mushroom.

I understand now why moms so often end up with Mom Hair.  You are pressed for time when you’re a parent.  You don’t have the luxury of planning ahead when it comes to your own needs.  It’s harder to make an appointment, harder to find time to search through magazines and websites for the perfect style, harder to speak up when you realize the cut isn’t quite what you wanted because you need to get back home to your family and just want it to be over soon.  And you hope that when you style it (ha ha ha, that is if you have TIME to style it) the cut will look better than the overly-fluffy, curled under look you are showcasing when you head home.  A day later and you realize you really don’t like it but, ugh, it took a year to get into the damned salon and no way do you have time to go back and get it fixed.

Mom Hair – it’s not the hair you want, but the hair you have time for.

Rockabye: From Wild to Child (& giveaway)

I attended a book reading last night at A Great Good Place for Books in Oakland.  One of my favorite blog writers, Rebecca Woolf of Girl’s Gone Child and Babble.com’s Straight From the Bottle, has released her first book entitled Rockabye: From Wild to Child.  I devoured the first few chapters yesterday before attending the reading, and I was completely engrossed.

Even though her story is different from mine, as all aspects of my pregnancy were planned out way ahead of time, her story resonates with me.  She describes so well the feelings of a woman who abruptly switches gears in her life and questions her identity as she transitions to the role of mother.  Planned pregnancy or not, parenthood feels like the first time you are thrown into a pool when you don’t know how to swim – you have to act on instinct and do your damnest to stay afloat as the water tries to suck you down.  Surviving is more important in the moment than doing a perfect job!

I love Rebecca’s depiction of her relationship with her husband, as well.  At the reading last night she described how difficult it was to remember why she fell in love with her husband amid the chaos of new parenthood.  I doubt anyone is able to anticipate how their relationship with their partner will change when the family expands, and I share her amazement over the enduring marriages of her parents and grandparents.  I have found it difficult at times to push aside the mama bear and remember that my husband is on my team – that it is not all up to me to protect and nourish our son.

I highly recommend this book (and Rebecca’s blog) to any new parent, but especially those out there who struggle with the new identity that comes along with motherhood.  I think there is something in this book for all of us parents, not the least of which is a feeling that we aren’t alone in the struggles and celebrations that come along with creating life.

Rebecca was completely charming and absolutely delightful to meet.  I personally love how much she curses, and laughed heartily when she explained that her son’s limited vocabulary is heavily laden with curse words.  Maybe it’s a California girl thing, maybe it’s a young mom thing, or maybe it’s just our stubborn refusal to give our pre-baby selves up completely.  Whatever it is, I love it.  I will cherish my signed copy of her book, in which she wrote:

Ewok Mama, you are wild and wonderful and rockin’!!  All my love to you and kisses for Jack.  Love always, Rebecca

Rebecca Woolf is currently touring the west coast to promote her book; see her schedule here.  For you local bay area folks, you can see her in San Francisco tonight at 7:30pm!

Contest time!  Leave a comment to tell me a little something about your transition to motherhood (or planned transition!) and win a free copy of the book!  (Winner will be chosen at random.  Contest ends 4/30/08.)

Next Time Around

I often think about having a second child.  Joe and I talk about it every once in a while.  I was on the fence for a long time but I think we both agree that we will probably have another at some point.  We might try as early as mid-2009, but it will be highly dependent upon our little family dynamic at that time.  Until then, I’ll be rolling this parenting thing around in my mind, analyzing and wondering how things will go with a second child.

In the grand scheme of parenting, birth was not a huge deal for me.  Certainly not as big a deal as I thought it was while pregnant, when it was all I could think about.  Once Jack was here, my labor and his birth faded quickly with the enormity of having a real live person to take care of.  Still, labor and childbirth brought forth a new understanding of my body and my strength as a woman.  It was a big event, an experience that was unique in my life, and looking back it feels as if it was a big test that I feel proud to have passed even if I didn’t get a perfect grade.

I learned a lot in those 39.5 hours, and I have learned even more as I’ve reflected upon everything I went through to get Jack into the world.  I often wonder how things would have gone if events had occured differently.  I read several midwifery blogs and seek out stories of birth at every opportunity.  So obviously while I feel that birth was a relatively small event overall, it was still a very important event that left a lasting impression on my mind.  The events just weren’t as big as the feelings and thoughts that derived from them.

No matter how my opinions of labor and childbirth change, I will carry some satisfaction of Jack’s birth with me.  Not only did I end up with a wonderfully healthy child, but my first birth experience taught me what I will do differently next time:

• No induction unless there are signs of ill health.  While induction was convenient in some ways, it made for a more difficult birth that was harder on my body.  By the time I was ready to push I didn’t have the energy to position myself optimally.  My tailbone is still not the same.
• Stay out of the hospital, and birth only with assistants I know and trust.  In the hospital, I had one nurse who that messed up my IV and refused to unhook it between doses of antibiotics because she felt it was too much work to flush it, and another nurse who at one point took over care of my son.  I want to lessen the chance that other people will adversely affect our family’s experience.
• Use water for pain relief.  The counter-pressure of the shower on my back and belly was amazing pain relief.  Unfortunately, I was not able to use this resource once I was strapped to monitoring devices.

I am really looking forward to another opportunity one day to learn even more about myself and life in general.  What about you?  Would you do anything differently next time?